My thanks to you, soozwillamuse, and also to Contance, for validating my choice to use 'What to Do When a Friend Becomes Flaky' in Tuesday's Daily Muse. I sometimes wonder whether I'm finding articles that suit the desires and needs of the readers or just suiting myself. Since I've gone through a few episodes of flaky friends (and relatives) through the years (and probably fallen into that category myself from time to time) this article just seemed to call out to me, but I put it in wondering if I'd 'crossed the line' concerning what people want to see in the Tuesday Creative Quickie for Friends column.
Lately I've been trying to figure out when and why the word 'relationship' is as close a search topic as most directories have for 'friendship'. I've always considered a friendship to be a type of relationship, but too often the articles I find read like a how-to for finding a man or woman on line. Don't get me wrong, I've done that (actually had a great marriage that started out on line) and still have several guy friends who keep in touch even though we no longer date. But for the Daily Muse I look for articles that call to mind the older (read that 'pre-online') definition of friendship which seldom, if ever, becomes more than friendship. Maybe it's just my age showing itself, but I consider old fashioned friendship to be one of the greatest gifts I can enjoy.
So I just want to thank you for your comments (and loudly cast an agreeing vote with Constance's suggestions.) Concerning Constance's comments, I do suggest substituting the term 'mediator' in place of 'arbitrator'. Mediation and arbitration are two distinctly different forms of Alternative Dispute Resolution (ADR) which have become remarkably helpful in commercial litigation, family law and other types of litigation. I mention changing the focus to a mediator because mediators are trained to act as a neutral third party, meeting with each of the parties individually, all together as a group, and again individually. Each of these sessions gives the mediator an opportunity to hear the party's story and learn directly from the inidividual what points are important to them. A mediator listens to all sides and then tries to learn what outcome each party desires. A properly mediated conflict can usually be turned into a resolution where the parties each feel they have won where it is important for them to win, and have given lesser points to the opposition which that side considers to be impotrant points for them to win. With the mjediator's help the parties prepare a final document which is then entered into the court record as the final ruling
When an arbitration is used there are usually one to three retired judges who review the case and have a scaled down trial outside the normal courtroom schedule. Depending on the nature of the case and its complexity, artibration is sometimes the best choice, but the result of an arbitration is that the judges rule as they see fit and their ruling maynot resolve the matter to the satisfaction of either party. The satisfaction of the parties after arbitration is often impacted the most by the judges' personalities and how intent they are on pushing their own preferred solutions on the parties. The judges may be retired, but they tend to demand that the parties treat them as though they are all knowing and know one else can make an adequate decision.
As a trained mediator, I am familiar with the routine outcomes of these two types of procedures and feel that in most case where the parties are individuals or small businesses the mediation model is more likely to result in a WIN-WIN solution for the parties.
Okay, I'll shut up now after just one more thing. Please feel free to forward to me items that you feel would be well accepted in the Creative Quickies or the Blissness column or send me the URL for something you find and like.
My job is to find worthwhile columns to attract readers to Creative Quickies and Blissness each day. The more information and feedback I hear about the columns I select, the better I get to know what you readers want to see.
So--Thanks for any and all comments and suggestions. I may be the one choosing that goes in each day, But you can steer me to where you want me to go!
Linda Williams, Editor for Blissness and Editor for Creative Quickie
When I have time I Blog as QBU Tries to Do Art and my gallery is QBU's Artistic Attempts