To Love, Love First Thyself

Recent discussions on depression and creativity sparked a memory of a book I'd recently read entitled, Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Not one to pay attention to popular media, and frustrated that playing couch spud was all I could manage, I crammed the remote button down until it practically held itself. Titles sped by, once, twice...and hey, the third time was a lady, one by the name of Oprah. I spot checked the show, where a beaming blonde nodded nostalgically to a misty-eyed Oprah, who was citing a passage from her book. I wouldn't have given it a second thought until I heard:

I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you...There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love...(p. 54)

While Ms. Gilbert explains that it was this inner voice she heard that stilled her crying, and that she could not pinpoint its origin, I began to ponder a different thread. What if it was not considered so selfish to really love ourselves? Biblical scripture speaks of "loving thy neighbor as thyself," and, after all, don't we care for ourselves through food, rest, and appearance? Even as I thought this, my mind flooded with all the ways I had not cared for myself - denying myself food or, just as bad, stuffing myself mercilessly with it; caffeinating my body while an overrun nervous system begged me to sleep; allowing a harmful depression to make me think I did not matter, so therefore, why try? I readily admit I am my own worst critic, one that never ceases to analyze, criticize, and abuse. When do I say, "No more"? January 1st of every year? How about my birthday, or next Tuesday, or after I've shaved my legs and walked the next mile? No, it has to be now. If I don't, who else might I be hurting? It may be someone I will never know about, just as Ms. Gilbert does not know about me, and yet, she offered herself after she learned to love herself, and gave me the gift of hope.

My turn.

Published 05 February 2008 05:11 PM by copper cat

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# auntbobby said on 05 February, 2008 11:15 PM

How beautiful, Copper Cat! Thanks for sharing!

Hugs -- Aunt Bobby

# holly said on 10 February, 2008 05:56 PM

What a beautiful message. We do deserve to love ourselves more than anyone or anything. All the best on your journey of self love.

# Donna said on 12 February, 2008 10:33 AM

I recently left a response here, but it went missing for a few days.  Artella Techies were able to recover it (aren't they AWESOME!), so I'm reposting it:

I truly believe that we must learn to love ourselves before we can truly, truly love others as we are meant to: with compassion and forgiveness.  We must love ourselves in that way, too.  

Great post!

# chameleon said on 12 February, 2008 02:50 PM

Yes, you'd think there was a magic age—a birthday—when we could stop worrying about this and that and everything in between. But that doesn't happen so we have to find ways to make changes that will help us be happier and confident. I'm a #1 procrastinator in that department, so I don't have any magic words other than Go For It, Girl! (and I'll try to do the same)

# Julie Burger said on 14 February, 2008 07:16 AM

Hi Copper Cat!

Oh, Jani'ce! This is beatiful! And I'm so glad you included your Roses. I have intentionaly stayed away from all of the blog topics since the New Year because right now they just make me feel raw. Although I am not standing at the edge of the black abyss right now, this year has been hard. I've thought about writing on each topic, but I just can't. I've thought about writing the "Love Letter" and write one to myself. It would have taken the tone of the very things that you've written about. I think we are way too hard on ourselves and need to make a conscious effort to be more kind. I love the quote you use from the Bible. How appropriate! Why can't we treat ourselves as well as we treat others? We need to try harder!

Hugs,  Julie

# Sunnie said on 16 February, 2008 05:39 PM

Copper Cat, you are absolutely right...it is impossible to love your neighbor as yourself if you don't love YOU first!

I remember reading a book called "Compassion and Self-Hate". The main message was: why don't you have the same compassion for yourself that you give to other people?

Treat yourself as well as you do others.

I have found this a very helpful concept to think about when I'm feeling down.

Sunnie (QuiltMother)

# Sandi said on 21 February, 2008 07:42 PM

When you are on an airplane the flight attendants show you how to use the oxygen mask and they point out to use it first yourself so that you can then help others. Thats what I think Jesus means when he says "love thy neighbor as thyself" in Matthew 22:37-40.

Sandi

# Tammy said on 22 February, 2008 10:43 AM

This is beautiful and so moving - if only we could all keep this in mind - we  could make such a difference in the world.

# Fancifalls said on 23 February, 2008 07:24 PM

Thank you for sharing your beautiful message.