The Onslaught of Thought

Sounds during slumber pull me slowly through a foggy dream, lifting me away from the safety net that keeps me from insanity. Eyelids flicker, feeling arises. Now what is this? Ahhh...the experience of painless existence; cushiony clouds absorbing daylight agonies. Then, the pain. It stabs in every nerve like an ice pick; veins and arteries signal an internal gasoline fire that does not exist, yet spikes my consciousness as very real. Please, no. I beg my mind to be still, but then it begins...the onslaught of thought. They spiral from everywhere, like swarms of Mexican bats entering their cavern in the morning, leather wings beating the air tirelessly. Colors, words, feelings, freeform shapes and photos from the past, and the eternal criticism and analysis of it all running like a CNN broadcast.

That was just the first sixty seconds. I'm in hell. What do I make of this?

Dr. Eric Maisel, whom I will interview here March 4th, writes about managing the barrage of thoughts that especially plague creative minds. Since our minds can completely run amuck without prompting, we must insert something that causes it to come to attention. He recommends use of the phrase, "I am completely stopping", with the mindset that we will indeed stop and follow our creativity wherever that leads us, purposefully positing that we will not listen to the judge in our heads. So tomorrow when I awake, I am completely stopping. The physical pain may not agree, but as long as my brain still holds 51% of my body's business, I can choose to lead myself into a better day.

Published 31 January 2008 03:31 PM by copper cat
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# harqn2 said on 01 February, 2008 06:36 PM

"The Onslought of Thought"... a terrifyingly accurate description.  I too grasped hold of Maisel's phrase "I am completely stopping" and have been trying it out.  I find that I need to speak it aloud so that I actually receive that message audibly.  I have also found that speaking the name of Jesus audibly makes the "bats" dissipate...  Thanks so much for sharing.  In solidarity, Harqn2

# auntbobby said on 02 February, 2008 09:25 AM

Let us know how "Stopping" works, Copper Cat -- I hope it will give you the freedom and control to create.  (The coffee cup you drew is lovely.)

Hugs -- Aunt Bobby