Spinning in Family
This has been -- is -- my month of 'spinning in family". As most of you know by now, Bob and I are childless (but not petless). My original family was relatively large --- seven of us ---- but we were gypsies and moved away from grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins. Bob was raised mostly by foster families. I have lost two of my sisters by this point in my life, but there are still five of us. I have lost my mother but not my father. Three of my siblings have (something resembling) families of their own. Being the exact middle child of the family --- I originally had three above and three below me -- and by virtue of being the "childless aunt", I seem to always be the one that is throwing family gatherings, or reaching out in some way or other. (In all fairness, those of my siblings who are parents have all they can handle to manage jobs and kid activities, and the months spin by before they realize it's been a while since they talked to anybody.)
So this has been my third or fourth "family gathering". We live in different states, or a minimum of four hours away, from each other, so it is a big undertaking. Earlier this month, of course, I had the big breakdown with my nephew, Franklin. This would have been the third summer that we invited him down from San Francisco to spend a month out in the "country". I sent him home after a week because he had overnight become a teenager (early, at 11) and I wasn't equipped to handle it. His mother (my youngest sister Carmel) was, consequently, not in the mood to join us this year. C'est la vie with big families. As Heidi Klum says on Project Runway, "you're either in, or you're out". We all have had our dramas and, on various years, different of us have "boycotted" the gatherings. Life happens. Note, though: life is tenuous as we get older. Witness my older sister, Rita, who had always meant to make things better between herself and Mom. One day, though, Mom was no longer there; you don't get any more chances after death... This year, Rita was very present and accounted for, and distributed lots and lots of hugs and love to any of us who showed up.
And, Wednesday, ten members of the family posed for a family shot before all folding up into various cars and heading to various airports or cities. I had a day of shuttling sheets and towels between washer, dryer, and guest rooms, before my 15-year-old niece, Emnma, arrived from Omaha. Oh, Emma!! I remember playing a silly game with her on my lap in our jacuzzi-tub and it only seems like last week. Now she is a pretty young woman, very cool with her shoulder-slung bike bag. How old I must look to her. Her grandmother drove her up from Santa Barbara, and they are sleeping now in the two twin beds in Bob's office. Today we will take a hike together in Montana de Oro, before they head back. A brief and charming visit --- just right for this week, for me.
So I am spinning in family this week ... and next week I will feel a huge adjustment as it becomes --- again --- just Bob, me, and the furry pets. Oh: I forgot...
I should heal things up with Carmel ASAP. Never put off till tomorrow...
