Little Sooz

If I were to rate my childhood according to blessings and fullness received, I have to say that I'd give it something very midway.  I think the only issue was that my parents got married very young (20 and 21) and neither of them had been out and about in the world on their own.  My parents were Catholic and the mantra was "God will never give us more kids than we can handle".  (My mom was heard later to joke, "...but exactly when does he tell us just HOW in the world to handle them??")  So we certainly did not have much money or luxuries.  There were no extras, no cool clothes, no membership in the Brownies or Cub Scouts, and often we had to do without school pictures.  We constantly wore each other's hand-me-downs or went to the thrift store.  But hey, we had a home, meals of some sort, clean clothes, and some adult was always there, even if they were going bananas, or shuffling around dead on their feet, half comatose with exhaustion and worries.  They did the best they knew how. 

Some fond memories of mine are that we had an upright piano in the living room.  I remember about age five, sitting at the piano moving my hands up and down the keys, while making the piano-playing sound with my mouth.  One of my well-meaning siblings had to come along and say, "I can tell you're making those sounds with your mouth, not the keys".  I was crushed! 

I have a photo of us all sitting in a blow-up plastic pool out in the driveway.  There were four of us just sitting there in it like a bathtub; there was not much swimming going on, but that cold water sure felt nice! 

We were fortunate to have aunts who did nice things for us.  I remember one time that one of my aunts picked up my sister and I and took us to the beauty parlor to have our hair done.  They put tight little curlers in our hair and sat us under the dryer.  While it was a great thrill to go there and be handled and have my hair played with, I'm ashamed to say that when I got home and saw myself in the mirror, I got it wet and smashed all the huge curl out ---- my poor aunt!!  All that money she spent on us!  Another time, from one aunt or another, I got the gift of a blow-up swan.  Oh, how I loved sitting on that swan!  Of course, we didn't have a pool, but I sat on it in the middle of the living room. 

I also had a huge stuffed dog named Snoopy that I sat on when we ate dinner, so that I could reach the table.  I was a skinny little kid and my mother always had a very hard time getting me to eat enough.  When I couldn't finish my sandwiches at lunch, I often slid them underneath Snoopy to hide them.  (My mother one day discovered my hiding place and had to dispose of several crusty PBJ sandwiches.) 

My father --- bless his heart --- did his best to take us on inexpensive outings to teach us to enjoy nature and the outdoors.  We went camping and visited many a state or national park, the names of which are mostly one big blur in my mind.  Ungrateful child, I was, because I was completely miserable being stuck for long periods in the car with six siblings and a dog, plus having my knees up in my chin because food and whatnot were packed on the floor beneath us.  How I wish I could turn those good efforts on my father's part into a good memory for myself! but alas ... I was miserable. 

I was the exact middle child of my family: there were a boy and two girls above me, and a boy and two girls below me.  I am the exact profile of middle children.  I was forever trying to make everybody happy.  I hated it (and still do) when people argued.  I was always trying to placate someone, or make them see that everything had two sides to the story.  To this day, my theme song is still "Both Sides Now" by Judy Collins.  I grew up to be a very quiet child whose main goal was to stay out of Mom and Dad's way and not be any additional trouble to them.  I became an observer.  I watched people, and watched life, and tried my darndest to figure out the rules, patterns, and what worked. 

Now, at 53, I am still that little girl, really.  I took the quiet observation and turned myself into a good writer, and I took my people-watching, middle-child-placating-ness skill and turned myself into someone who is resourceful, a good friend and listener, and someone permanently trained to look for the positive.  I took my life of hand-me-downs and became a creative person who sews and shares the joys of thrift-store shopping.  So I am grateful for how Little Sooz started this life, and what she passed on to me, Big Sooz, to work with.