I'm new to this site, and to the whole blog concept, but I thought I would dive right in. When I first saw this topic, my immediate reaction was resistance and avoidance. So, I put it out of my head, thinking I would wait until the next topic. Then when I saw the topic was extended, I figured I had better sit down and figure out why I had this resistance.
The first person I thought of when I read the topic was my mother. I lost her on April 4, 2004, just two days after her 64th birthday. It was completely unexpected and I am still trying to accept all the confusion, grief and anger that comes with a sudden loss. She and my father go to Florida every winter and usually come back home in early May. That winter, however, was stressful for everyone. She had a stroke earlier that spring, and after that they found that her carotid artery was over 95% blocked. Long story short, she would need immediate surgery since all of her arteries were in pretty bad shape.
She had not been feeling quite right since her stroke, and she decided to have the surgery early that December. She was adament about still being able to go to Florida afterward. She loved the sunshine and dreaded the Ohio winters. The surgery went well, she looked 100% better and felt like a new person. So off they went right after Christmas.
I heard from her every week or so, and things seemed to be going really well. I called her on her birthday, April 2. She said she felt tired, and not too good. When she said she couldn't even finish her steak, I knew she was sick. Mom loved her steak. So, I told her to get some rest. They were probably running around too much, as my Dad loves to go, go, go. I didn't check back on her the next day, though something told me to. I received a frantic call from my dad on April 4, saying she had been taken to the hospital. She had a massive heart attack and within a few hours she was gone.
I always regretted not calling her back the next day. So, my love letter would be to her, apologizing for not checking up on her. I think she knew how much I loved her, but I wish I would have said it one more time. So, Mom, I love you, you are always in my heart and I look forward to the day when I'll see you again.