QBU Learns to be Creative

Hi Everyone!

 Sorry I've been AWOL from my blog lately.  It seems like I've done nothing but in recent weeks but work at the computer, look for things that have gone into hiding, and eat, sleep and dream my new website.

 I worked my final day in the office on April 30 and we had a marvelous Italian Lunch with presents and everything!  I've stopped by a couple of times when I've been in the area and they always have more of my stuff that they've found waiting in a box.  After 23 years witih my boss, there's a lot of stuff that drifted away from my area into common use around the office.

Looks like no matter what happens I won't be going back to work there after my disability.  Unless there is a major change in the next three weeks, they're giving up the office at the end of June and my boss will work from his own from home---doing only a few jobs a year.  He's had the 'bug' to retire for quite a while and hasn't been marketing the services the way he needs to.  That results in no new business coming in at the moment--not an unusual situation, but makes hard to pay rent, payroll, health insurance, etc.  I hate to see it happen, but it's not my problem anymore.  The two other people won't have any problem finding good jobs and their only in the 20s and 30s.

 My son finally made it off and away to Couer d'Alene, ID to live with his girlfriend and her three kids.  When we talk everything seems to be fine up there and I refuse to worry about it.  I do, however, wish he had followed through on various promises and assurances he gave me and not left me with such a mess of uncompleted yard work, 'stuff' that isn't trash, but hasn't been packed for storage and a 4" lizard (no tail) living in his room!  I can thank his cat for the last one--Chris didn't even no about it until I told him a week after he left.  Apparently the cat decided he needed a new playmate in the house and brought the lizard in.  We'd found a dead lizard the night before Chris left and I'd made him dispose of that one!  I don't do lizards.  Right now I'm keeping the door tightly closed and waiting for my boyfriend to come over and take care of several chores--including de-lizarding the house!

Yesterday was an exciting day!  I sent out my first e-zine from http://www.lifecoachingforchristians.com.  I'll be posting the issue on the site in a couple more days.  It was an interesting experience as I argued out a few issues with the computer and created my template in SBI.  I'm pretty happy with how it all worked out, but now I have to get busy--only 13 days until the next issue is due out!  Yipes--I better get busy. 

 Had a great 'art day' over the long weekend with Rita Nelson.  We experimented a little, learned a little and talked and ate a lot!  It was a fun and relaxing day and one we intend to repeat often.  Perhaps in the future we'll manage to pick a day when we're less exhausted and actually manage some some real creativity.  I must say, Rita managed to put translucent flowers on a couple of glass vases that came out looking very nice and also altered a little digital clock to look more like it belonged in her beautiful bathroom.  My great accomplishments were button sorting and experimenting a bit with tar gel and Pearl X.

 Well, there are things to be done and dragons to slay--OOPS, that's just a lizard and I just want him transfered to the outside!

Hope you'll stop by my website and look around.  There's lots more to be added in the future, but I'm always open to comments and suggestions.  In just a few weeks I hope to have the Cleft in the Rock forums ready to open up.  That will be a totally free section of the site where people who have gone through life problems can meet others who have had similar problems and also provide support for people who are presently going through problems currently.  It will be an informal, loving and supportive place for people who are hurting now and a place where 'old timers' with the problem can go to share some of their experience, strength and hope.  If you check out the Cleft of the Rock page on the website and the inquiry from you'll see the initial problems we intend to address.  The list will expand or contract based on the requests of the members.  By the way, when that gets going, I'll need some people to moderate the forums--basically go in once or twice a day on each forum and read what's been posted and make sure we're not getting inappropriate posts or having any problems.  I'd like to use people who have a heart for the ministry in those positions.  Let me know if you are interested!

 Have a happy, creative day and don't forget  it's Hug Your Cat Day and also Old Maid's Day, so hug one of those too!!

Hi There!

 Tomorrow is my last Friday on the job.  Then I'll just have Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday left.  And Wednesday will be a short day--we're all going out for a late lunch before I depart.  I'm leaving my job with mixed emotions--a little like leaving a long-term marriage.  It hasn't been all bad by any standard, but recent years haven't been very good.  My boss and I are getting along quite well now that he's not worrying about how to get rid of me without insulting me.

 I'm spending most of my time at work trying to catch and tie up all the loose ends.  There's so many it seems.  Of course, I'm going to be available via phone to answer questions, but I'm trying to leave things so the number of questions is reduced somewhat.

I'm sooooo excited about the new website and my plans.  If any of you have been checking back to see what's happening to the site, you've probably discovered by now that the answer is -- nothing.  I decided to slow down and stop beating my head against the wall trying to put up more pages while I'm so exhausted every night.  Instead I've been doing lots of researching and reading.  I have a timeline showing what I plan to accomplish each of the first six weeks.  I'm going to be busy, but without spending 3+ hours in the car every day, I expect to accomplish a lot more with less frustration. 

I just found out my cleaning lady is ready to come back to work starting week after next.  Hooray!  She's great helping me move things and figure out the best use of my space.  We have a deal--she's supposed to keep the health department away and I'm supposed to keep the fire department away.  She's much more successful than I am -- I'm a natural-born packpig, which, if you don't already know, is a packrat that is terribly messy.  I hope that once my son has moved (about May 15 he leaves for Idaho) I'll be able to reclaim the areas he's overrun and get control of the place again.  I guess only time will tell.

I've been drooling over some of the most recent Stampington publications (my very guilty pleasure) but still haven't been able to do any art.  (However, I did get my taxes in on time and they have to pay me!!!)  I'm really looking forward to Memorial Day weekend because my friend and I are going to have an art play weekend while her family is out of town.  We have made any final decisions about exactly what we'll be doing, but it will artistic and we'll have fun!  Who knows, maybe I'll even manage to finish something that I can photograph and post in my Gallery.

I seem to be having trouble holding my eyes open, so I think I'll close this for now and head off to bed.  Hope all of you are busy creating lots of wonderful things.  When you get bored, stop by my website (http://www.lifecoachingforchristians.com) and see what I've done so far.  I plan by two weeks from now to have at least double the number of pages up.  Also--I'll start sending out my free e-zine twice a month (I know--I used the word "bi-monthly" on the site--but that will soon be corrected).  The e-zine is going to have articles about life-coaching, self-improvement, small business, and lots of different problems that we encounter on this journey of life.  Each individual issue will have probably 3-5 articles and perhaps some other little surprises.  I'd love to share it with anyone at all interested.  You can always unsubscribe if you don't like it or send it on to someone else you know who may get something out of it.  I promise not to put anyone on the spot and demand to know why they unsubscribed.

As much as anything else, I'd love to have feedback about the site and the e-zine.  I'm new at lot of this and I'd like to hear what you think--no strings or repercussions from my side.

 Hope you all have a WONDERFUL week and I'm going to try to get back to posting weekly!

 Now, go forth and create gorgeous art!

Linda

Hi, Everyone!

 Well, it's only taken me a month to get back to you.  Not an intentional oversight on my part--just too much to do and too little time to do it.

First, before I forget, a special thanks to each of you who commented on my last post.  Your encouragement and good thoughts and prayers are very much appreciated.  In fact, I think your prayers, along with those of several other people, have brought about some amazing changes in my situation.  It is official--as of May 1 I will be on temporary disability (which can last up to 1 year).  My doctor has been trying to get me to agree to disability off and on for many years, but I kept refusing--mostly because I didn't consider myself disabled.  Last week I took a fresh look at the circumstances---both personal and work-related--and realized that if I don't qualify for disability, nobody does!  

May 20 it will be three years since I was last able to do my actual job -- Property/Casualty Insurance Consultant.  Since my surgery at that time I have never been able to go back to that work.  I can't remember much of the information that provides my qualification for the job; I can't hold facts in my mind and research legal issues as I once did; I can't summarize depositions, simultaneously determining what information applies to our part of the litigation and the issues we must prepare for; and I can't take notes in a meeting that make any sense to me two hours later.  I even have trouble keeping track of which case is which, although we usually only have 4 or 5 going at a time.

 Because I couldn't do that work any longer my boss promoted me to Chief Operating Officer and for almost three years I've been trying to run the business and take administrative details out of his hands.  The glorified secretary portion of that job I can do most of the time (although my memory often gets in the way), but the bookkeeping and financial management part continues to trip me up.  This has only become more of a problem as my boss and I have fought like an old married couple because we disagree on crucial business management issues.

 Anyway--now that I've bored you to death--I gave in and filled out the necessary paperwork Friday morning.  My boss was relieved when he found out that afternoon because he'd decided a change had to be made--for my sake and for his.  The best part is that my disability rate is figured on my earnings in the last quarter of 2007 and at that point I was at the peak of my earnings.  So the next few months I will be immersing myself in all things related to my new business, trying to get its wings constructed, spread and flying high enough to match my disabilitiy income by May 1 of next year.

I sat down last night and started structuring my activity plan for May and June, assigning tasks to the weeks.  There's a great deal to be done--but I believe I can do it. 

For those of you who are interested, and not afraid of a little construction dust and dangling beams, you may visit my site at http://www.lifecoachingforchristians.com.  I intend to more than double the number of pages on content on the site during the first full week in May. 

 Anyone interested in getting in on the ground floor and watching the progress as it grows, my first e-zine will be sent out on Monday,  June 2 and every 2 to 2-1/2 weeks thereafter (despite the error I made saying it would be sent out bi-monthly--told yoiu my brain plays tricks on me!!  Correcting that error is the next thing I have to do on the site).  The e-zine will have life coaching material (things you can use as an individual), small business coaching material (things that can be used by small business owners) and Cleft in the Rock material (things to help individuals cope with problems in their lives).  I would love to see a few familiar names on the e-zine mailing list (besides if there are no familiar names on there, I may not have anyone to send it to!)

So now that you know why I'm not spending much time at Artella (other than to do my columns) I will stop procrastinating for today and get busy on my taxes.  They are the reason I took today off from work!

Best wishes to all of you and thanks of all your support!!  It really does help!

 Linda

BTW--since I don't have any time for art at the moment--please go make some for yourself and a little bit extra for me!  And while you're at it, don't forget to Look Up At the Sky today--bet you didn't April 14 is Look up at the Sky Day, did you? 

Hi, Everyone!

I can hardly believe we're already half-way through March!  I think I still have New Year's Confetti in my hair!

As threatened in my New Year's post, I've been "starting" things like crazy.  I've done better on some than I have on others.  My big start for the year is my new website which fronts for my new home-based business.  The website is currently under construction--existing, but not really ready for visitors.  When I get just a little further along I'll share it's address with you and let you come by and get a little plaster dust on your shoes as you check out what I've been up to.  Maybe you'll be able to give me some good ideas on what you think is working and what isn't. 

In case I haven't told you, my new site has three major parts.  "The Cleft of the Rock" will be a totally free group of forums for Christians who have lived through (or are currently living through) major crises that are often tagged with the label "this doesn't happen to good Christian people or their families."  A few of the forums won't fall into that exact category, but will fall into the category of "oh that's just something that happens in life--sorry it happened to you, but your 30 days of mourning are over--get on with life!"  Each of these forums will be limited to people who have actually been touched by these particular problems and would like to talk to other Christians about how they handled them.  Guess you'd call these on-line support groups.  The first groups set up will be for:

widows; separated or divorced individuals; single parents; parents of kids who are alcoholic or drug addicted; people touched homosexuality in their family or with friends; people touched by transgender or gender dysphoria issues through their family or friends; people who are victims of depression; cancer patients and survivors; brain tumor patients and survivors; codependents; people with toxic jobs; well, you get the general idea and the list is going to keep growing.  FYI, I've come up with this initial list based on my own personal and family experiences.  I'll be looking for people with these and other experiences who are willing to participate as moderator for groups that I have no experience with or no time to moderate as the site begins to grow. 

As you can see, that portion of the site alone could be a full-time job.  I intend to provide free resourcees on the site gleaned from various places and also plan to research and write some materials myself.  I'm a firm believer that God doesn't let anything happen in our lives without a purpose.  Through the years I've had many opportunities to share with others from my own experience and encourage them through hard times.  I feel now that the Lord wants me to provide this safe haven for people who are afraid to tell their Christian friends and local church members about their crises because they think they should be perfect--like every other person at church.  That is a huge lie.  For many years I've heard a statement that I agree with totally--The church is the only army that shoots its own wounded.  Perhaps a bit crude, but true of too many Christians. 

I remember vividly five years ago when I returned to a Sunday School class I'd been a member of and then left for about six months.  My first Sunday back one of the members was sharing about behavior problems with a 17 year old child.  I remembered a similar time with my own child and commented based on my own experience.  Immediately three or four people told me that my answer was inappropriate because I didn't understand that this child was into homosexuality and I had no understanding of what that meant.  I quietly, but firmly, informed my shocked friends that they were misinformed.  I had lost my first husband (three years before his untimely death) to the homosexual lifestyle and two years later had learned that my then 22 year old child was also a homosexual.  Based on my experience, I believed my original comment was correct.  During the following two months this group of adults began a movement to start a family and friends support group within our church.  At last count I believe that one Sunday School class of about 40 people had at least 10 members with reason to participate in such a group.  That might never have happened if I'd been afraid to let others know what had gone on in my life.

In Al-Anon I often heard "When you tell your story, it frees me to tell mine."  That is what The Cleft in the Rock is going to be all about.

As you can tell, that part of my website is my passion.  However, because I have to live and eat, I have two other areas on the website that are intended to make money.  The first is Life Coaching for Christians and the second is Small Business Coaching from a Christian point of view.  Although I've never done either one for a fee, I have many years of experience in peer counseling and mentoring individuals and have spent almost my entire business life in small businesses--both my own and other peoples--usual in a decision-making position.

 I'm not sure I would have jumped into this right now except that my own job has become excessively toxic--or maybe I've become excessively toxic--that happens when an old broad is commuting 80 miles round trip to work with a boss who--after 23 years--treats her more like a wife he's tired of than a valued employee.  One way or another I've got to get out of there before the end of the year sooooooooooooooooooooooo------------------

I ask for lots of prayers and good thoughts from all of you as I try to juggle my day job, working on the Artella Muse, designing and writing content for my website, talking daily too my 87 year old friend who just moved from her own home to a very nice and expensive private group home (from her own condo), spending at least one day a week with my 82 year old mother, and living with my 33 year old son who is planning to move to Idaho in another 2 or 3 months. 

I need a house fairy to organize and clean this place--but I have it on good authority that "The House Fairy is Dead!"  Just my luck.  That wouldn't be so bad, but my friend who cleans my house has been down with pneumonia for the past month!

Today I think I'll spend a chunk of time working on a collage to use as the background for "The Cleft of the Rock."  I think that qualifies as art therapy with a necessary purpose.

Just in case--please forgive me for any typos or weird grammar.  My head doesn't work very well between 5 and 6  a.m.  I've noticed and corrected quite a few things, but my eyes keep crossing when I try to proofread, so WYSIWYG.

I'll talk to you soon!  Meanwhile, go make some art!

 Linda

Hi Everyone!

I'm so excited!  Today it is finally my turn to host Dr. Eric Maisel here in my own blog!  Of course I feel a little sad about it also, because this signals the end of a fantastic week of interviews with him.  I'm sure you've all been enjoying these as I have, but they do say that all good things must come to an end and I'm just proud to be owner of the blog where the end shall be experienced.

Without further ado, let's jump into this and see what additional things we can learn from Dr. Maisel today.  As a long-term (and possibly permanent) depressive, I am particularly interested in learning all I can about depression and how to live a creatively active life in spite of it. 

Q: Could you explain more about the importance of creating a life plan sentence/statement?

EM: If you agree to commit to active meaning-making, you need to know where to make your meaning investments, both in the short-term sense of knowing what to do with the next hour and in the long-term sense of knowing which novel you are writing or which career you're pursuing.
Having a life purpose statement or life plan statement in place serves as an ongoing reminder of the sorts of meaning investments that you
intend to make, both short-term and long-term, and helps you make the right "meaning decision" about where to spend your capital and how to
realize your potential.

Q: You list a number of core questions relating to creativity and making meaning in our lives. Do you feel that over time we will alternate
between which question applies to us? Or is finding one question that applies to an artist permanent, not changing over time?

EM: There is no one question, just as there is no one meaning. The meaning-making process is a process of constant re-evaluation and
ongoing analysis as we not only provide answers to our own questions but also provide ourselves with the right questions. For one period of time
the questions may center on productivity, creativity, career, and the like, and during another period of time they may center on relationships, service, and the interpersonal sphere. Even on a single day, we might switch from asking ourselves one sort of question (about what project to tackle) to asking ourselves another sort of question (about how to help our addicted child or what to do about a community problem). Meaning shifts; and so do the questions that we pose to ourselves about how to make and maintain meaning.

Q: What I hear you saying is that when creative people in particular maintain a connection to their mission or purpose (you call it a Life
Purpose Statement in VGB), a connection to the value of their work, and their own value as creative people in the culture, they will be stronger
in their work and in their lives. Is that a fair way to put it?

EM: Yes. Even before you can make meaning, you must nominate yourself as the meaning-maker in your own life and fashion a central connection with yourself, one that is more aware, active, and purposeful than the connection most people fashion with themselves. Having some ideas about purpose is not the same as standing in relationship to yourself in such a way that you turn your ideas about purpose into concrete actions.  Self-connection-understanding that you are your own advocate, taskmaster, coach, best friend, and sole arbiter of meaning and that no
one else can or will serve those functions for you-is crucial.

Q: You mention that intimacy and personal relationships are as important to alleviating depression as are individual accomplishments. What is the link between the two and are they forged in similar ways?

EM: It is important that we create and it is also important that we relate.  Many artists have discovered that even though their creating feels supremely meaningful to them, creating alone does not alleviate depression. If it did, we would predict that productive and prolific creators would be spared depression, but we know that they have not been spared. More than creating is needed to fend off depression, because we have other meaning needs as well as the need to actualize our potential via creating. We also have the meaning need for human warmth, love, and intimacy: we find loving meaningful. Therefore we work on treating our existential depression in at least these two ways: by reminding ourselves that our creating matters and that therefore we must actively create; and by reminding ourselves that our relationships also matter, and that therefore we must actively relate.  

Thank you, Dr. Maisel!  Now we all have have some more things to think about and apply to our own situations.  I'm sure I speak for many of us here in Artella Land when I say that these interviews have been fascinating and I'm anxious to finish reading Van Gogh Blues and find ways to apply many of the ideas and suggestions from the book and these interviews to my own life.  

Until next time--Keep on creating!

Linda

Hi to all of you!  Sorry I've been so quiet the past couple of weeks, but I've spent most of the time feeling barely able to function.  Whatever this flu is that we're having in So. Calif. this spring, it wasn't covered by this year's flu shot and it is more tenacious than a 2 year old who isn't getting her way!  Even on the days when I've felt almost normal most of the day, by the time I made it home in the evening I've been dragging around, fighting a 2-3 degree fever that just sits behind my eyes and refuses to be dealt with.  I'm convinced the heatrt of my flu was in my knees--which really aren't in very good shape most of the time.  They've hurt around the clock for so long I'm beginning to think the only way I'll ever get relief is to have knee replacement surgery--something I can't afford financially or timewise.  Oh well, there you have the closest thing I can give you to a excuse for my failure to be present for anything beyond my Daily Muse duties--and Constance could tell you that I haven't been living up to proper standards on that! 

 So I guess it's time for me to go back to the intention I stated in January and START doing what I want to do, need to do, and should be doing.  Before I forget, I want to thank those of you who have recently visited my Blog or Gallery and left such nice comments.  You brightened my day considerably. 

 I've been trying to get a pair of jeans torn apart (at least from the crotch down) so I can turn them into an art skirt.  Getting all that stitching out is hard work!  I'm just thankful that I have an old Singer 221 Feather Weight machine that will happily stitch on the denim when I'm ready to start reconstruction. 

 Meanwhile, the other day I was in Michael's getting some glittery stuff for the skirt and decided to pick up a denim apron to decorate too.  I decided I was going to start that one by painting a good part of it with titanium white acrylic, but when it came time to paint I froze.  Probably because it was Friday night and I'd just had a huge battle with my boss.  There was much noise made on my part and he stayed reasonably quiet--partly because everytime he made some brillliant remark I told him he was full of it and why.  Yes--I was fighting with my boss.  What you have to understand is that we've been together 23 years this week.  I lose it and come close to leaving about once every 4 or 5 years.  This time is the most serious it has ever been because it's been more than three years since I've been able to do billable work.  Instead I've been stuck with doing all the financial and corporate stuff which I hate.  We'll probably get things worked out when he returns from Green Bay, WI later this week, but meanwhile I'm enjoying the thought of him freezing off his vital parts and wondering whether I'll be in the office when he gets back.

 When he walks in he's going to find my office has been sanitized--I'm stripping my bulletin board, taking my stereo home and removing my framed professional awards.  I want him to wonder how far I am from leaving permanently.  Yes--I'm mean--but he's a jerk.  Needless to say, although our relationship has lasted longer than his first two marriages, we have major differences that surface regularly.  To keep it even more interesting, his mother is one of my best friends and seems to be getting strength to carry on from our battle.  She's 87 and can no longer stay at home because she keeps falling.  Mentally, she's smarter and more on the ball than 99% of the people you'll meet on any given week.  She's practically adopted me in the past 20 years (even though my own mother is alive and well, living near me).  She tends to talk to me more than she does her son because his wife doesn't like for him to call his mom and they don't talk much.

As for my new website, it too has been the victim of my flu.  I haven't felt up to working on it at all the past two weeks and now I need to START producing content again. 

Someone went onto my gallery pages this week and commented that it was about time for me to update it.  I agree--my only problem is I haven't been doing any new art.  I feel like I've lost a month--although I think it has actually been only three weeks.

Sooooooo I guess I'd better stop this writing and get to work doing something productive!  Maybe when I get home tonight I'll manage do my Artella Muse work and then smear some titanium white on my apron before I sit down to continue ripping seams out of my jeans while I watch TV.  I think it's going to take another day or two before I'm mentally able to write content for the website, but I'll START that again this week too. 

Unless I have some brilliant flash of creativity, I think I'll probably miss out again this week on the Blog Topic of the Week.  So far it isn't sending me any flashes of creativity and I didn't even bother to watch the Oscars last night.  It's been 18 months since I last went to a movie.  I usually just wait for them to show up on Satellite.

Well, my friends, I'm out of here for now.  It's time to eat some lunch and then get busy doing something useful again.  Hope all of you have healthy and happy weeks!

 Linda

Hi, everyone! 

I just saw Marney's post about extending the deadline for Blog Topic #6 for another week, so I guess I'm going to have to write on it.  I don't think my "I'm so sick I wish I could die" excuse will play very well for another week.  The funny thing is, I did attempt to start on that topic last week, before the near terminal exhaustion settled over me.  Some time this weekend I decided to just dump it because I was too busy to finish before the deadline.  So after I finish bringing you up to date on other things, I'll try again to write my love letter.

As several of you know, sometime last Tuesday evening I started feeling sick and spending most of my time in the bathroom.  When I finally bought my ransom out of that one room, I was so exhausted I could barely walk the 8 feet to my bed where I just collapsed and fell asleep.  Between Tuesday night and Saturday morning I slept almost constantly.  Well, they call it sleep, but I didn't notice myself getting much sleep.  I tossed and turned, sweat buckets, (or should that be "glowed streams"?) had all sorts of strange but very realistic dreams, wrote hundreds of web pages and editied countless Blissness and Creative Quickie articles--only to find when I woke up  that snoring with passion was probably my only real accomplishment!

Saturday I spent four or five hours (between my naps!) on the computer and finally came away with my new website registered and ready for some content.  On Sunday I ate a hearty breakfast and returned to spend almost 10 hours at the computer, but that time when I walked away, I had a home page and knew what my site would like like.

Meanwhile, I learned that I had been the Staff Winner for the Week #5 Blog Topic, the final week in the Eric Maisel contest.  In case you haven't heard, Billizetti was the winner for you normal folks.  I'm still soooooo excited about this.  As far as I can recall, this is the first time I've ever won anything based on my writing.  As Holly would say, "Grooooooovy."

Oh yes, getting back to my new website, I started working in that general direction several months ago when I purchased You University.  From the beginning I knew what I should do, but it wasn't anything that was likely to earn enough money to support me, so it wasn't practical.  Eventually I made a conscious decision "to do everything wrong."  I knew the Lord had a job for me to do and that website was the basis for the that job.  So rather than fight the money issues, I prayed that the Lord would take care of the parts I couldn't figure out or change and I'd just work on what I could see.

As I went through the first five days of SBI (Site Build It!--the system Marney used to set up Artella in the beginning) in the last three weeks, I've repeatedly reached points where I felt it was appropriate for ME to break the rules and let the LORD guide how they healed to benefit my intended site. 

I'm now proud to announce that lifecoachingforchristians.com has taken up residence on the web and during the next four weeks I plan to add a minimum of 40 pages of content.  I'd like to have it all done RIGHT NOW, but prefer to do writing that won't need soooo much editing later.  So my goal is two pages per day, Monday through Friday for four weeks.  I won't complain if I manage a bit more some days, but there's a lot to be done--including research and study--and I don't want to get burned out before the real work even starts!

So, for now I'm going to sign off on this.  And, oh yes, thank you for coming by to read my posts and make such thoughtul comments.  That's what keeps me writing.

 Linda

Hi Everyone!

 Another week has gone by and we've had more rainy days than sunny days.  It seems so odd when one day it rains all night, all day and sometimes all night again and then you get up the next morning and the sun is shining and the sky is clear like rain is an alien idea.  That's how it's been here for several weeks now.  I must admit I do enjoy being able to look at the mountains and see them totally covered with snow.  That's not the usual.  "Snow-capped" is more common here.

I hope all of you have been staying healthy, busy and creative.  I've spent most of my spare time this week concentrating on preparation for my new website-based business which I hope to have online by the first of May--if not sooner!  It won't be finished at that point, but I hope to have enough content up to open the site and start looking for clients.  I suspect it may take me as long as the first of the year to get all of my content and various aspects of the site complete, but I need to get it up as soon as possible because I want at least six months to attract clients and get the business on its feet while I still have my day job, and I fear it may go away the first of 2009.

All this computer work is keeping me from what I consider my most creative work--art and stitching, but then I stop and think and realize I'm doing plenty of writing which is also a creative endeavor.

I want to thank all of you who left such nice comments on my blog entries last week.  If you hang around here long enough you're likely to hear a lot more about Teddy and our dog, Chips.  I have many wonderful memories of both of them.

Now I'm waiting to see what challenge Marney has in store for us THIS week.  Some of her blog topics really make you stop and think.  Have you written to any of her weekly topics yet?  If you haven't you really ought to give it a try.  It's lots of fun.  Until recently I was involved in a daily writing group where we had a different prompt each day Monday through Friday and we were supposed to write for 10 minutes in response to the prompt.  Many of those were much harder than anything Marney has given us, but after a couple of years doing that, I came to look forward to the challenge of an assigned topic and often came up with a very different interpretation of the prompt than I would have before I joined the group.

Well, my desk is getting piled higher and deeper, even as I write this, so I guess I'll sign off for now and get back to work before someone notices the "boss" is goofing off again

Take care of yourself and go do something creative--even if it's only writing in the dust on the TV screen!

Linda

This morning, the first thought in my head was a wonderful memory, just as it has been so many mornings in the past five years.  As I slowly came to consciousness I could almost feel the soft touch of my husband's lips as he kissed me good-bye, trying not to waken me.  From late April of 2002 until January 2, 2003--for eight months--he kissed me that way three or four mornings a week as he left for his 75 mile commute to work.  I was telecommuting and had the luxury of sleeping in each morning while he rose at 5:30 so he could be at work no later than 8:00.

That initial thought faded as I realized that it's almost the end of January in 2008, more than fire years since that last kiss.  For just a few moments I luxuriated in the wonderful memories of those months and the fun we had together. 

 We weren't youngsters when we met--he was 62 and I was 54, but we felt younger than we had in many years.  We'd both been unhappily married for many years before those marriages ended--his in divorce and mine with the death of my estranged husband.  Although we both still believed deeply in marriage, we doubted our own ability to select the right mate or be the right mate.  But like two teenagers, we followed our hearts and married just shy of three months from the first time we met face to face (after only three weeks of e-mails). 

In the years since Teddy's death several of my closest friends have told me about their concern that we were ignoring all the red flags waving us off from marriage.  Then they laugh and say that now they believe--as we did then--that the Lord's hand was in our meeting and our marriage.

During the time we had together we did many things, starting with a cross-country motorhome trip for our honeymoon.  The true test of love--two adults and one golden retriever in a 27' motorhome for three weeks as we traveled from So. California to the east coast, visiting with friends and relatives on the way, and then returned to California.  Amazingly, we made it and enjoyed it thoroughly.

I often went to work with Teddy at the Center for the Arts where he was Security Manager.  If there was going to be an evening show that he was working--or one we wanted to see--we'd leave home around noon and I'd comandeer his office computer to do my work while he attended meetings and took care of matters on various parts of their campus.  In the early evening we'd eat at a favorite restaurant and return to watch the show or I'd sit in the office stitching and listening to the performance on the speaker in his office while he worked.  Inevitably the concessions manager (who adored him) would prepare hot chocolate for us to enjoy during the intermission while we watched the audience in the lobby.  Later, when all had gone home, we'd start our trek (usually around midnight) and inivitably stop for a snack on the way.

We loved to prepare meals together--Teddy would grill outside and I'd prepare the rest in the house and then we would eat by candlelight inside or under the stars on the patio--depending on the weather.  After washing dishes and cleaning the kitchen together we'd spend the rest of the evening watching videos, cuddled close.

As I think of these things early in the morning I sometimes have trouble resisting the urge to fall back to sleep and see if I can dream of those times, perhaps even awaking to find the last five years have been "just a dream."  But I know the truth--that special time is over and Ted is gone.  He died in his office of a heart attack shortly before he planned to head home on the first working day of the new year.  We'd talked about an hour before and planned that evening's dinner.  But instead, I made the 75 mile trip to talk to the police and pick up our dog who went to work with him each day.

I've dated a fair bit in the past five years--even thought for several months that I had found the right guy.  But so far I haven't been that lucky.  I often joke that I'm not sure I'll ever find another husband since I've already broken two.  If that's the way it's meant to be, I'll accept it, but I'll always cherish my memories of the time Ted and I had together.

This morning, like most others, I did have one regret--I wish on that last morning I had made the effort to rouse myself and give Ted the kind of kiss he deserved--a kiss that left him with no doubt about how much I loved and cherished him.  I know he knew that, but I tossed away my chance for one last kiss. 

Hi Everyone!

I've had a busy week--as usual--although I think this week takes the cake for staying busy.  I've spent practically every spare moment at home at the computer 'starting' several parts of my new website project.  I've worked through the first four 'days' of Site Build It (SBI) which I first heard about here at Artella.  I know the Lord's hand is in this project because the work is going very smoothly and I've discovered that I not only have a viable concept, but He has shown me an additional facet that will finance the whole thing over time.  I'm terribly excited about it, although in the next few days I'll be starting the fun--and hard--part.  I have to start writing content for the site.  I enjoy the writing, but there's much to be researched and many of the things I must write are deeply buried in my heart and soul. 

Sunny California has been anything but sunny.  Well, actually that's not true.  Yesterday when I left the house to go eat lunch at a local restaurant the sky over my area was sunny and clear with just a few beautiful fluffy clouds, but looking west and north I could see dark clouds that seemed to come all the way down to the ground.  The day before I'd been able to see snow dusted mountains, but yesterday there were no mountains!

 Sure enough, when I came out after lunch the rain was pouring down (of course my umbrella was in the car).  We continued to have rain off and on the rest of the day and all night.  This morning it was sprinkling at home, raining heavily for about 2/3 of my 40 mile drive to work, and about to start raining when I reached the office.

Fortunately I don't live in any of the areas that had fires and are worrying now about mudslides, although my drive to work takes me by some of those areas.  Saturday night they said we might have as much as 8 inches of rain over the weekend.  I never heard how much fell, but it sounded like every bit of that hit the roof of the aluminum storage shed outside my bedroom window.

 Weeks like this make me happy to write the monthly check to pay off the new roof I had put on the house.  I had one winter when it rained in my guest room!

I'm getting so many great ideas for art that I want to do--I just have to find time to create.  I think I'm going to try to set aside an hour each day for art.  If I don't do something like that I fear I'll get nothing but laundry, Artella Daily Muse and my website development work done in the weeks and months to come.

Have any of you been writing on the Blog Topic of the Week?  I haven't seen very many entries posted.  It's really fun and today would be a great day to 'Start' participating since it's time for Marney to post the topic for Week #5.

Until I see the new Blog Topic, I think I'll start reworking my schedule, trying to find a time when I can 'start some art'.  Linda Anderson's e-book (excerpted in Saturday's Creative Quickie) made me want to try some of her exercises.

Hope all of you have a great week!

Linda aka QBU

Ouch!  You just hit me dead center!!  I'm one of those people who has a great deal of trouble using those two words together.  When my depression kicks in, my creativity seems to take a hike.  It's almost as though they are mutually exclusive and cannot abide in the same body.

In reality, I have learned through the years that is not true, however, in order to be creative when I'm depressed, I have to work very hard at it or, perhaps its just a matter of having all the planets perfectly aligned.

My depression is a mystery creature.  After almost 15 years of trying to determine its origin and triggers, my counselor, doctor and I have pretty will determined it is NOT situational, but rather a chemical imbalance that we can't track.  For many years I fought against taking antidepressants on a regular basis, but then after reading on the subject and considering the issue for a while, I finally gave in and I now take antidepressants on a daily basis.  In fact, some months ago I complained to my physician that my antidepressants didn't seem to be working very well anymore and in response to my complaint he put me on one that has the effect of slightly energizing me.

This can be a disastrous situation if I accidentally take one at bedtime instead of in the morning.  The two times this has happened, I discovered I might just as well go to the computer and do some writing and planning on those nights because the pill guarantees I will not sleep that night!

Some times, if I really work hard at it, I can do some creative work when I'm depressed.  My best bet is beading a pattern that I've done many times before and don't really have to think about, or working on a rather boring section of stitchery that doesn't take much attention.  If I try to do something truly creative I either sit and stare off into space with absolutely no idea of what to do or I start a project and NOTHING about it goes the way I want it to.  If I continue too long, whatever I'm working on ends up trashed.  I find this very frustrating, especially when I have planned to make a gift or design a card for someone special. 

For this reason, among others, I'm looking forward to reading Dr. Maisel's new book--hoping perhaps I can find a way to turn some of my depressive periods into creative times.  This is becoming more and more important to me as I find that my depressions are lasting longer and seem to be somewhat deeper than in previous years. 

Meanwhile, I try not to wallow in my depression.  If I have a bright idea or even just a somewhat new idea, I always try to make notes about it and spend some time thinking about how to imple-ment or expand it.  Probably the most difficult part for me is finding the time and workspace when a creative urge does hit me.  If only I could "wiggle my nose" and have my house and studio areas miraculously clean and tidy themselves so ALL my spare time could be spent on creative things instead of the deadly boring housework.  Or perhaps I'll win the lottery (a joke if there ever was one since I never play the lottery) then I can have a full-time person to shop, cook, run errands and keep my world in perfect order.  Ah yes, it sounds so good, but in the meantime, I guess I'll have to continue to battle with my depression and look for a way to get my creativity and depression to become friends--or at least tolerate each other.  Perhaps in those periods I could be inspired to create something on the darker, more subdued side of life.

Although I don't envy anyone who battles with depression, I'm fascinated by those who are able to create during those periods and produce results that awe everyone.

I just have to take a second and say thanks to all of you who took the time to read my response to last week's blog topic #3 about our heroes.  And double the thanks to those of you who left such sweet and encouraging comments.  I think that was the first time I'd taken time to sit down and try to synthesize my feelings about my father.  That particular piece is going to be part of a larger project I'm starting which will consist of many short pieces and ultimately tell much of the story of my life and who I am. 

As I think I mentioned when I wrote on Topic #1-Resolutions, one of the things I'm starting this year is a website which I hope will grow to be a place of comfort and kinship for Christian women who have lived through some of the harder experiences of life.  I've felt for several months that this is a project that I must do because too many of us feel like we're the only one who has experienced certain things--things that our churches too often won't or don't want to acknowledge can happen to a Christian.  So we all sit in church on Sunday morning pretending that our lives are perfect and we have no problems beyond choosing what to fix for dinner, when all kinds of hard things are attacking us.  It makes us feel like imposters when, truth be told, there are probably a half-dozen others sitting in the same service with the same or similar problems!  I want to provide a safe haven for us to come together and share with each other--prove to ourselves that we aren't alone--others have walked the path before as and others will walk it after us.

This is a huge project for me, but I'm terribly excited about it and already the Lord has been showing how I may be able to make it at least self-sustaining financially and hopefully in time it may even provide a retirement income for me.

 I'm proud to say that last night I took several initial steps into this project and intend to spend a lot of my spare time on it in the months to come.

Now I'd better get back to "starting" my real work for the day before my desk collapses under its load--something my boss is sure to notice!

Check back later today or tomorrow and I will probably have another post up in response to Marney's new Topic for this week.  It wasn't until last Tuesday that I learned I'm not eligible to win the weekly blog topic contest (darn it!) because I'm one of the judges--so I guess that's fair.  But that's not going to keep me from sticking to my plan to write on the topic each week.  I hope each of you are entering.  The prizes are great!!  Besides, we all need to get in the habit of writing in our blogs regularly--it's good for our souls!

 Talk to you soon!

At first this topic totally threw me.  I've never been one to choose heroes, idols or other such people.  I learned early in my life that all people are very much alike and setting someone up on a pedestal is very likely to start them on the road to a downfall.  Then, the theme song from 'Beaches' started to run through my head -- 'don't you know that you're my hero' . . . 'you are the wind beneath my wings' -- and suddenly I knew that my hero was always my father. 

 As an only child I was his only daughter and his only son.  I grew up when girls wore skirts and dresses most of the time and my mother, who had never had a doll as a child, loved to dress me up and curl my hair.  Unlike so many men of that era, my dad didn't care whether I was a girl or a boy--he just wanted a healthy child and I became his shadow.

Looking back now, with the knowledge of my parents that I have gained as an adult, I realize how very fortunate I was.  Although he never finished high school, was an undiagnosed dyslexic, and suffered pain numerous skeletal and muscular problems throughout his life, he was a leader and a doer.  Raised in small country churches in Missouri, after he moved to California he continued to be active in churches and served in volunteer regional and state positions with our denomination for over 50 years.

He was a very intuitive person, observant of those around him and a devoted Bible student.  Those characteristics caused him to develop very strong opinions about life and people.  It was a very rare person that he couldn't get along with if, he was determined to do so.  In fact, even people who disliked his opinions or actions grew to respect his integrity and strength of will.

No, my dad wasn't perfect--and I figured that out while I was still a pre-teen, but he knew who he was and what he stood for.  He was a wise man who worked with many teenagers and young adults, teaching them how to be leaders and develop their personalities.  When Mom and Dad celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary I put out a request for people to send cards and letters and received over 250 greetings, many speaking of the influence my folks had on them or their kids.

For me, Dad was always there to encourage me and assure me that I could do anything I wanted to do.  Although we'd never heard the word 'co-dependent,' Dad spent a great deal of time reining in my mother's co-dependent tendencies so that I could grow up more emotionally healthy.  Since learning about co-dependency and related problems, I've realized that both my parents came from situations that left them set up to be severe co-dependents--but somehow my dad managed to jump over that hurdle.

I know now that my life and that of my son would be very different today if I had not had the father I had.  Dad taught me to do what needs to be done--even when it's hard.  He also taught me that it's never too late to make a U-turn and stop going the wrong way.

Perhaps the hardest period I have ever experienced was after my dad started having small strokes and finally a major one.  I was living some distance away and suddenly I found him very different from the man I'd always known.  Although he lived almost 10 more years, I had lost the man who always impressed me with his tactful speech, respect for the feelings of others and cheerful demeanor.  In the last few years of his life his behavior sometimes disappointed me, but I realized it was the result of his health problems and was glad I had more time with him--even when it seemed I had become the parent and he the child. 

Undoubtedly, I will never have another hero like my father and I am always thankful for the wind he supplied beneath my wings.

I know--boring title--but it's true.  The first month of the new year will be half over tomorrow and I feel like the new year is passing me by.  Being back at work five days a week is taking all my energy and time (or so it seems).  Last night I spent a short time on the computer trying to get my articles posted before the copy editor hunted me down, spent close to an hour on the phone with my 87 year old friend who calls me just about every day, reheated some left over pizza and ate, and finally sat down to do needlepoint for a while.  Since there was nothing on TV I wanted to be bothered by I really didn't notice the time.  Imagine my shock when about a 1/2 hour later I looked at my watch and realized that it wasn't 9 or 9:30 as I had thought, but 11:30!  Another evening shot!!

After a week of having ideas for my new collage growing and bouncing around in my head, I had hoped to spend part of this weekend starting the piece, but it wasn't meant to be.  I was much too tired to get up and moving either day and I always spend Sunday afternoon playing Scrabble and UpWords with my Mom, so a little needlepoint was the extent of my creativity.  It's a terrible thing to have to waste so much of our lives working!  Yech!!  I really must start working my way out of that hole before much longer.  Perhaps when I finish the antibiotics I've been taking for my sinus infection I'll have more energy and fewer headaches than I've had the past couple of weeks.

 My accomplishments in the past week have seemed awfully minor, but then again, any day above the ground is a good one!  And even when I can't seem to DO a lot, I do manage to THINK through a lot of things and scribble a few notes to myself.

I hope all of you have been successfully getting your creative selves out and about--inhaling the fresh air and releasing lots of positive energy.  I see Marney has posted our new Blog Topic for the Week, so I think I'll get busy and write something before the week gets away from me.  Why don't you join me.  We need lots more entries and the prizes are going to be terrific!!

Talk to you soon!

Being a born and bred California Valley Girl, I sometimes have trouble separating my winter memories from those of autumn and spring.  Face it, for most of my life we've really had only two types of weather--hot and not-hot.  Winter was something people had in other parts of the country, but in the flatlands of Southern California you seldom needed more than a light jacket.  The past few years that has changed somewhat, but today we're talking about the past--A Winter Memory.

My winter memory takes us back to the late 1960s when I spent four school years in Shawnee, Oklahoma, attending Oklahoma Baptist University.  At that time Shawnee was a small town with an old-fashioned Main Street.  J.C. Penney and a small Sears store were the hot shopping spots.  A usual Friday night for me was a hamburger and fries at the Town Talk Cafe, a lime Coke and candy bars from the Campus Drug, and watching TV while I played Canasta with my roommate.

Shawnee is on a very slight hill in the midst of Oklahoma's flatlands.  A tornado goes through about every 15-20 years, but usually they just circle the outskirts of town and move on.  The one thing you can always expect is that the wind will come sweeping 'cross the plain and the wind chill factor will be considerable.

My winter memory starts with an unseasonably warm morning.  I almost went to my 8 a.m. class without a sweater!  Amazingly, when I headed back to the dorm two hours later the temperature had dropped drastically and continued to do so all day.  By mid-afternoon we were having a flurry of snow--something we experienced perhaps once a year.  As the afternoon turned into evening the snow continued to come down and stick! 

The TV news started giving reports of highways that were undrivable because of snow.  Ice was forming and many cars were ending up off the road in the ditch.  Emergency vehicles were kept busy helping motorists get their vehicles back on the road and soon anyone who had a four-wheel drive vehicle was being pressed into service to rescue people and bring them to warm shelter.  More than one unprepared motorist spent that night stuck in their car with nothing to keep them warm.

When we awoke the next morning the OBU campus had been turned into a winter wonderland.  Classes had been called off because the roads were not cleared and most faculty members couldn't make it to campus.  Students cheered for the snow day--an unheard of treat at OBU--and throughout the day they participated in snowball fights, ice sliding on long sloping walks across the campus and other non-studious behavior.

As a person generally averse to cold weather, I watched from my warm room, enjoying the antics of my fellow students almost as much as the unexpected day off.

I'm said for many years that I love the four seasons, so long as I can observe them from a temperature-controlled hideaway, unless I wish to be outside for a short time.  All right--I'll admit it--I'm a weather wuss.

Even now, 40 years later, I enjoy remembering the look of the campus and the joy of the students the week of the blizzard of 1967--or was it 1968?  I'm also thankful that I'm still in California where even our extremes are pretty mild!