Laughing*Out*loud
Welcome! As promised, just in time for June 8, National Best Friends Day, allow me to introduce my alter ego, Doc L. “Smack” Grotchman, infamous pain management pioneer and collector of quotable quotes, inane blatherings, rants, raves, rx’s, images and whatever else flips my proverbial pancake. Ready? Heeeeeeeeere’s Doc…
Uh, gee thanks, Lor! Hi! Good grief! It all started a few years back when ..... wait a sec! Does everybody know what an “alter ego” is? According to Webster: alter ego – 1. another aspect of oneself; 2. a very close friend or constant companion. OK. Before somebody tells me there’s something “weird” about talking to myself AND answering back, AND doing it in my blog under the heading of L*O*L with the intention of entertaining my readers with the possibility of winning a contest too, well it just might be considered pathological… WOO-HOO!!! (Pardon me).
So the short story is that while I was wallowing in life’s pain, I figured instead of sitting there feeling sorry for myself, I wondered how I could manage to have fun at the same time. What a concept, right? Luckily, one day a few years ago I was reading that wonderfully pleasant and uplifting thing some of us have delivered daily. (No, not The Artella Daily Muse! I’m trying to be sarcastic here.) I’m talking about that rag we call the newspaper from the mainstream media – that harbinger of gloom and doom. Well, I dared to stick my nose into it yet again to hunt for morsels of hope and shreds of decency, when much to my surprise and delight I discovered my True Life’s Purpose – along with my long lost biological father! I’ve since decided to carry on with his practice and research. You see, my father is none other than the famous Dr. Hanos Grotchman, Pain Management Pioneer. I’m so very grateful to John McPherson for reuniting us. Here is a picture of Dear ol’ Dad before his unfortunate accident:
Evidently, we have the same knack (er, psychological disorder) for doing the same thing OVER AND OVER AND OVER, expecting a different result. I know, you’re probably thinking, “Hey, isn’t that the definition of insanity?” Shhhhh! Cornfields and cows both have ears…
Now, as I was saying, my father finally abandoned his research in the field of bovine acupuncture (after his 17th concussion). Strangely, I don’t think his patients appreciated his barnside manner. He’ll likely spend the rest of his life recovering (his beaker of acupuncture needles lost in the haystack). So it’s all up to me to carry on. And believe you me, I certainly know how to do that! I even published an e-letter for a few years chock full of my wisdom and wit under the title Doc Grotchman's Quotable Quotes. I’m back to my research these days… it's my passion you know! But I certainly don’t mind sticking my two cents in here or there when Lori or her editor Spot need a hand. I even helped her with her zine for the Artella Spring Zine Swap and I think she has posted her zine in her Gallery. (She’s shaking her head “Yes.” I know because I hear it rattling!) Check it out!
I used to sign up patients to receive my e-letters by asking a few questions. Lori says I should share some here. Well, alright if you insist. When they’d protest with, “It only hurts when I laugh, Doc,” I’d simply find it irristible/necessary to probe a little deeper by asking questions like: Are you in Pain? Are YOU a pain? How do you FEEL about pain? Does it HURT? Hmmm…. I see. Tell me, have you noticed that you constantly recycle your sorrow, medicate your grief, micromanage the heck out of everyone and everything in your life? Or are YOU being micromanaged by someone whom you could swear is promoting pain and destruction in your life? Are you avoiding these painful issues, groping for instant relief through frivolous distractions, endless controversies, empty calories? Do you find yourself easily swept away circling the drain (or your own navel) while attempting to redefine your identity, your purpose, your cosmology? Do you spend hours, helplessly contemplating the meaning of all this madness, mayhem and muck? Still searching for that elusive little patch of sunlit grass, begging for the smallest scrap of peace for PITY’s SAKE? If YOU have answered YES to one or more of the above questions, Wow! Are you messed up! Hey, Lori is nudging me, but heck, she told me to ask you. OK! Then to help you see how much fun we could have commiserating together ... Here’s the bad news: if you’ve read this far it may mean you’re already “Out to pasture.” We all could have SO MUCH FUN together...
SMACK! Wake up...Here’s the Good News: CONGRATULATIONS!!! You have arrived. WELCOME! Take a deep breath. Relax. Enjoy. Chew the cud, shoot the bull, hunt for the Purple Cow, climb Bandini Mountain (it is no Urban Legend by the way – I’ve really seen it with my own eyes!! Lori here...) Hey, Doc here, this is MY time! Measure the wind, dream your hugs or vice versa, because you’re here and I’m here for you, or because of you… that is, I really, really care.. uh, really.
And then I’d always end my e-letters with the same qualifier that I’m going to give you all here and now. It’s the one rule I live by and Lori likes it too, so you’ll probably hear her harp on it a lot. Ouch! Thanks a lot, Lori! See you around, and remember: Please don’t pathologize me, weird humor is the ally of sanity.
With Lots of Love,
Doc G. a/k/a harqn2 a/k/a Lori
Doc’s Sidekick, Brooksie the Amazing Flying Cow helps keep things juicy with her “Kowlicks” of Bovine Humor
Brooksie's Cow Tip#1: Never stand in back of the cow when she’s measuring the wind!
Background Info: Brooksie was a real Holstein dairy cow. She belonged to Lori’s father while he grew up in the hills of South San Gabriel, California. Pictured below: Brooksie and Richard Minick, (The Original California Angel’s Baseball Fan.)
Look what I found! It made me laugh (almost out loud) with joy! It’s a photo of me with my first ice cream cone—Fudge Ripple! I decided to post this in honor of today, June 7, being National Chocolate Ice Cream Day. I certainly can’t let an opportunity like this slip through my chocolaty fingers now, can I?
Yours truly,
LOLri (thanks for the nickname Constance!) a/k/a harqn2, a/k/a Doc L. “Smack” Grotchman – my alter ego, whom I will try my best to introduce in a short “LOL” bio tomorrow, in time for National Best Friend Day -- because if you can’t be your own best friend, well, howdy! you’re actually kinda screwed up. (Sorry Chocolate, you came in a close Second... but don't feel bad, June 8 is also Name Your Poison Day!
) I’ve discovered that your alter ego will never let you down. Weird I know, but that’s the idea! I'll explain later...