Journey Toward Feeling
I've always loved art and color, probably since the day my mother first put a crayon in my hand. You see, I see the world in a rainbow sort of way. I took all the art I could in school and I worked in commercial art and freelanced some graphic design on the side. However, I quickly closed down all my creative expression out of self-preservation, due to a controlling and increasingly abusive husband. Maybe it was a stubborn streak, or a will to survive, or pure desparation, but I vowed to myself that I would not let him have this last part of me. He even sensed I was holding something back from him and demanded I surrender it to him. It was a terrifying time in my life and if not for this last creative stand and my faith in God, I doubt I would be here now.
Over the course of my marriage, I endured all sorts of emotional and physical abuse from my husband, while unable to name or describe it. My husband began to isolate me from family and friends and soon I felt trapped and alone in a world of pain and silent shame. I retreated to a far away place inside my head where I continued to make my art... imaginary paintings on canvases of the mind. It was the only safe place I could create. In the meantime, my hopes, dreams and self-respect were in danger as well. I learned to shut up and shut down. I felt nothing anymore... I was numb.
After leaving my husband, my domestic violence counselor referred me to a women's empowerment group at a local domestic violence agency which used the A Window Between Worlds program. AWBW is an art organization which uses art as a healing tool in the lives of battered women and children. At first I found that I was unable to verbalize my experiences. Once I started processing my feelings through my art, then words came much easier. That was almost ten years ago. Since then I've been using art to create my way back, to reconnect with myself and with the world around me.
Creative expression has been an amazingly powerful source of strength and freedom. It has helped me to recover a sense of safety, relaxation, possibility, and identity. When I learned AWBW was looking for a volunteer I jumped at the chance to become involved. I became a trained womens and childrens art leader and began to write and facilitate art workshops for women and children. It has been extremely rewarding to see first hand the powerful process of healing that art can provide and an honor to build a safe, creative environment in which such wonderful experiences may unfold.
Every day, I continue to use my own creativity to embrace my emotions -- all of them. They are all a part of my journey, the journey toward feeling.
"Journey" by Lori Minick, 24x18 Acrylic on Canvas