The Bates MoTELLA

Mother may be a little tied up right now. Or dead on her feet. Or just buried lately.

The Very Real New and Improved Me, Part I

I work at Artella, on The Artella Daily Muse.  Artella is more than a job to me: It's a support network.  It's like-minded spiritual seekers.  It's friends.  It's family.  It's home.

My husband will never understand this.  He keeps saying, "But you've never met these people."

In the most insignificant factual sense, that is true.  We PM, my Artella people and me.  We email. We Instant Message. We meet at online Webinars, teleconferences. We telephone.  Never met them?  Why, only in the most superficial way could it be construed as Truth that we've never "met".

The only real glitch, a mere misplaced pebble in the cobblestone of virtual reality, occurred when Zura asked me to provide a photo for the staff directory.  A small thing, really.

But...

See, these Artella people really know me.  Photos, as you know, lie.

After wading through boxes, bins, baskets, and bedroom overhead shelves and underbed drawers for my neatly organized Creative Memories-destined photos, unfortunately wedged amongst wedding and birth certificates, tax returns, Christmas cards I'm going to do something with some day, a now classic TV guide or two, a needlepoint kit with parts missing, some crocheted daisies in a color I've never taken to, an empty nut can with stale salt and settled grease still in it, and a couple of bills I'd have sworn I mailed three years ago, I settled on the most eye-pleasing photo I had.

The truth is, given my choices, this School Year Teacher photo best represents Me.  But my husband, the little bad-mouthing demon that sits on my left shoulder arguing typically against the supportive, sweet angel-husband, all reason and light, on my right, kept agreeing with one another: "It's a great photo. Send it. So it's from 1992.  These people don't even know you."  The fact that both Hims were for it gave me great pause.

He will never understand Truth, my husband, what with his childlike fascination with Facts.  Like "virtual office".  He doesn't get that.  Or "barter pay", which he obstinately insists isn't "pay" at all, but "stuff".  (Query: What does one do with "pay" if not convert it to "stuff"?)  East Coast Going Live vs. West Coast Going to Bed -- he sees no need to meet a deadline that doesn't include a bell ringing and co-workers taking off their hardhats or storing their guns and gear.

I know our problem precisely: It's Ernest Hemingway and Sylvia Plath lunching at The Artist's Studio.  "Whale. Real. 'I am Vertical'. Who isn't? Ooh. Bearmeat Good."

Here's me: Who among us, along our nonoseconds' sojourn on Terra Firma, has not recognized that one's feet are made not of clay, nay, but of basest concrete, the petrified dung of the asphalt streets of William Butler Yeats' Lake Isle of Innisfree -- (here I lift smooth translucent silver-rimmed China teacup to tongue and lips, tip my chin to one side and muse) -- and whilst longing to be soul-kin to the good sweet earth -- real and true Self one with the grass and waters of the cosmos' gem, The Earth -- am helplessly and uncomfortably vertically aligned with foreign-minded two-legged creatures overreaching for goals as unattainable as the skies?  My husband will never, ever understand this, lounging there with a beer lodged securely between the arm of the recliner and his thigh, a remote in one hand and fried leg of bear in the other.

Sighing, realizing my choices were limited, I reluctantly elected to scan the photo and send it -- virtual courier, if you will. 

But a funny thing happened: When that 5 x 7 rose across my high-resolution screen to a larger-than-life pixelated representation of the Me that used to be, I thought, "Why, this isn't me, not me at all!"  True, there was no other acceptable option.

I pondered: How to make Me out of the Me That Once Was...

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Billizetti said:

This is wonderful. It's wonderful, because I understand exactly how you feel.  Unfortunately, my dear wife would agree completely with your husband. She doesn't even look at my issues of Artella. I consider them a lifeline. My life became much happier when I discovered Artella, and realized I was not alone in the world. Marney has used several of my digital collages, and when I show them to my wife, she kind of shrugs her shoulders as if she's saying, "So what?" I've never met Marney or Zura, but I feel like I know them through the beautiful work they share with us. Your writing is just as beautiful!

# June 13, 2007 6:06 PM

Tina said:

My Dear Constance,

You are by far one of the most entertaining writers I have ever met!  (seriously).  Awesome writing and thanks for sharing so freely of your life with us :)

p.s. I wonder if your beloved it related to mine  *giggles*

# June 13, 2007 8:45 PM

Constance Bates said:

What wonderful words, Bill and Tina!  It means a lot to me that you enjoy what I write.

Poor Bill... My husband, should he read this, will assume you misspelled "college" and that your whole sentence does not therefore make sense.  (Yes, he has a college degree. Linear thinker: Looks at the beginning of a line, assumes he knows where it's going, and will argue when you end up at Point B that you were aiming for Point C and missed.)  And, congratulations on earning the artistic respect of Marney and Zura -- I'm impressed (and covetous)!

Tina... With the exception of Bill, here, and Marney's Tony, and Bobby's Chet? They're ALL related, I fear!  (Joke, dear.)

# June 15, 2007 12:42 AM

auntbobby said:

Constance, dear --

Chet should be flattered that you included him among the artists, but were I to tell him (and I won't) he would be insulted rather than flattered.  He doesn't understand, either.  He is sweetly and lovingly tolerant, but that's about as far as it goes.

He does share one thing with "us", though -- he collects "stuff"!  Not for art's sake, but for the sake of the stuff itself.  He simply can't discard things, no matter how useless they are (and "useless" is a meaningless word to him).  For example -- I found wedged back in the closet two cases that looked like gun cases.  I complained, because he had promised to keep the guns under lock and key.  He told me those weren't guns, they were pool cues.  Now he has not played pool (except on the little Fisher-Price four-in-one table that we keep in the family room) for at least 40 years.  But heaven forfend that we think about discarding those pool cues.  Ah, well -- he loves me, and that covers a multitude of "stuff"!!

# June 15, 2007 10:21 AM

Constance Bates said:

Ha! I understand about the pool collector items!

And, Oh, Bobby!  I did not communicate well.  I didn't mean to suggest that your husband, and Marney's, and Artella's Bill were artists (although well they may be, and Bill confirmed that he is) -- I simply meant that these three were among the rare few who speak the same language their wife speaks!  (joke here, too, good friend)

# June 15, 2007 3:52 PM

holly said:

And I thought I was the only one who had a hard time with the photo thing!!!  I love your writing too. If only I could get my creative writing assignments to sound like your blog, there would be no need for others to critique my work!

# June 16, 2007 8:36 PM

Constance Bates said:

Bless you, holly! By the way, I got an A- in college -- as a returning adult, already published -- and was, as I interpret that, critiqued and found lacking.  I look at it this way: Many moons ago I also failed Intro to Bible, yet am no less spiritual.

If you can trust a writer with an A- in her history, I'd enjoy seeing your work.  cb

# June 17, 2007 11:46 PM

MarneyM said:

What a fun post and line of comments - thoroughly enjoyable!  What amazing people you all are...I am just better for having you all in my lives.  And what a great way to start the day...

# June 19, 2007 8:55 AM

Constance Bates said:

Marney! Here at 1 in the a.m., I'm starting MY day in a great way -- seeing your name here! In the torrent of colors and papers and people who tug at you, I'm privileged to know you've taken time to join us here.  God bless you!

# June 20, 2007 2:05 AM