The Bubble Gum Inspiration

"Remember why you are here and why you're alive. Experience the warmth before you grow old." -- Incubus

The unusual Oregon springtime can be cool in the morning, gorgeous midday, balmy in the late afternoon, and then back to cool as the sun sets. And to think I thought the weather in the desert was odd.

With these changes I find myself snuggling in blankets or putting on an extra layer of clothing as I settle in for the night. What I noticed this week is that when I do this, the warmth that engulfs me is not merely a piece of fabric but rather memories and love. Let me explain.

When I moved to Oregon, I left with only the things that I could put in my car. I had to make a lot of decisions about what was going to make it into the precious cargo space that was taking me several states further West. I left my queen sized bed behind and the fancy form fitting mattress top but it was never an option to leave behind the large tan and maroon blanket that my Grandma Canales had given me so many years ago. Not only is it the SOFTEST and warmest blanket I've ever owned but it has a rose design on it and is always reminds me of my Grams' daughter, my mom, whose middle name was Rosa. That blanket rests on my bed and keeps me toasty every night. It now has another small afghan on top of it that was recently gifted to me by my Aunt Deedle. The gift of warmth is one of love.

Another must take in my move was another childhood blanket given to me by Great-Grandma Melchor. She put love in the pink quilt she made for me when I was just a little one running around in pig tails and I still smile at the embroidered kittens that grace the front of it. It now has a special place on my TV chair and keeps me warm as I watch my favorite prime time and movies. It was recently joined by a small blanket that now rests on the back of that same chair; a blanket that belonged to the best girlfriend I ever had -- Charlotte, Her Royal Houndess. That blanket arrived this week with my kitties and was the first thing I saw as they were unloaded from the plan. There Charlotte was, watching over them the entire trip.

The warmth also lives within a blue zip-up hoodie that reads "#1 Grandpa" on the back and "Chon" on the front. This was a sweatshirt that I had given to my Gramps Delgado when I was a little girl. After he passed away in 1998, I kept it and through the years I wear it when I'm missing my family and want to feel like he is giving me the bigs hugs that he was so good at giving out. Then there is a grey university of Wisconsin sweatshirt that belonged to Charlotte's first mom, and my Kanab "mom", Amber. After she passed away in 2004, I kept it just as I did with Gramps'. That sweatshirt reminds me of her smile, her laughter, and hot Dr. Pepper with Lemon, just like my own mom used to make.

I take a lot of things for granted in my life that I shouldn't, but my family -- the warmth -- is something I never will. These are the people that make me remember why I came and why I'm alive.

Mother's Day is hard for me for a number of reasons and has been ever since I can remember. This year is no exception. This year, I don't have my kids with me but, on the VERY bright side, I will TOMORROW!

I got all misty-eyed because the kids got some help again this year to make sure I knew they were thinking of me this day of days. Yesterday the mail arrived and in it was this:

All the way from Arizona, they made sure to let me know they loved me. Inside was a number of really adorable things, including a postcard with kitties on it with a note written by India letting me know that all her brothers and sisters (Charlotte included) made sure to pitch in to get me a giftie. In just a little while I'll be heading to Smiths to use this:

But what made me the most misty-eyed (and I was already because of the sweet postcard!) was this bookmark that was written in memory of my sweet hound dog:

I love my kids. I love that I am loved on this day. I have the most thoughtful people in my life. 

So I've noticed that Wozzievision is starting to show some reruns and I've decided to nip that in the bud ASAP. Old patterns, old habits, the ones that didn't suit me very well, are beginning to make their way into my life once again (sneaky little things!). Over the last two weeks I've been giving these old patterns way too much face time and that is going to come to a close and is something I'm going to have to make a very consious effort to release. I'm staring these old ways of thinking and behaving straight in the eyes for the first time in my life. These old ways didn't serve me well before and they certainly are not helping me move forward. It's scary to face this; to uncover and understand things about myself that aren't particularly pretty. But in facing these issues, this inner mess, I am beginning to feel stronger than I have felt in years. I used to have a strength that could move anything. Nothing used to stand in my way. Something happened to that strength and I thought it was gone but now I see that it's not gone, it's just buried somewhere very deep and I'm slowly digging my way to it. It's there, I can feel it wanting to surface. It's buried by layers of apathy, acting the victim, manipulation, dishonesty and fear. That's a great deal of residue to plow through! And here I am understanding that in order to move forward, I have to. I am not weak and never have been, I've just been buried and I'm the one who has had the shovel in my hand this entire time throwing more dirt on myself.

Now, I do realize the occasional rerun is still going to creep in rotation now and again, but that is just part of me growing.

Now back to the new, but regularly scheduled, Wozzievision. 

Another gorgeous Saturday took me on another stroll from my "Eugene Walks" book. Here's a picture of my walking buddies for the afternoon. The new furry one, that's Ladybug; she lives upstairs from me. She and Roger were ready to roll:

We began up the street at Monroe park. The starting point was officially with this big iron man. And it was also a day for people to be out worshipping the sun as well.

Eugene is known for being green and a good amount of people are committed to sustainability. I admire the ideal and the people who pitch in and pool their resources. Here's one highlighted on our walk:

I love houses in Eugene. All the colors make me smile and daydream about what my house will look like one day. Most definitely it will have a lot of color just like this:

And right next door was Volunteer Heights where we saw some fun art and where Ladybug decided to take a breather. Good thing we brought water along!

Right around the corner was where we saw one of my favorite parts of town so far. Nestled in a quiet neighborhood rests this fantasy of a bed and breakfast. I've been thinking of the next business I'd like to open in the future and something like this would fit the bill. It would be pet friendly, dreamy like this, and serve the best vegan food for miles. Doesn't it look magical?

Next we headed downtown where we met this mama raccoon and her baby:

And in front of the library I decided to get cozy with the town's namesake, Eugene Skinner. No one stared as I did this. Okay, a lot of people did actually but I really didn't care, I was having too much fun.

The best part of the trip was the end. The reason it is called the Sweet LIfe Loop. We made it to one of THE BEST places in town:

It's dangerous to make stuff this good. Whoever says being vegan is living in deprevation has never tried the strawberry cheesecake or the strawberry banana compote. It's a really good thing we walked several miles because I didn't feel so bad devouring all this. Who am I kidding, I wouldn't have felt bad anyway; yes, it's that good.

And so ended our journey for the afternoon. Sweet life indeed. 

Today was a perfect weather day. PERFECT. Naturally it was a day to get Lily out on the streets and today we decided to find the Fern Ridge Bike Path. Just a hop from my house, we jumped on and took it all the way to the end. My legs feel the burn from this nearly 14 mile round trip ride but it was so worth it and made me feel like I really do ride a bike now. Well, that and the fact I had to roll up my right pant leg from getting it all greased up in my bike chain. I officially have some bike cred!

I'm still getting used to the etiquette of being on a bike path. It's the letting go of feeling like a jerk when I'm about to pass someone and saying "Left!" I blame the movie Spanglish for giving me a complex about doing that. But, everyone does it and they don't sound like jerks and even if I did sound like one, I guess it's better than running over the cute little old lady in pink sweats and a sun visor on. 

I think it's fair to say that I'm not as young as I feel anymore. I remember being in college and going out meant not leaving the house until about 11:30 or midnight. Well, last night I was at the club before 10 so I could get in free for Ladies Night and I was one of the first people there outside of a few people playing pool and two other girls who were at the bar encouraging each other to "not let the buzz die!" The evening began with a yummy wheat beer and toe tapping to early Madonna. The lower my beer got, the more people began to file in, many sporting the appropriate 80s attire. This was bound to be a really fun night.

Before hitting the dance floor (OMG it's Prince! I gotta dance!), Roger and I toasted the evening with Patron Silver and a lime. Weeeeeeeeeee! Huey Lewis and the News, Cyndi Lauper, Human League, John "Still Using Cougar" Mellencamp, and Klymaxx got me spinning around and shouting the lyrics out with the rest of the fun lovin' crowd. Speaking of Klymaxx, there definitely was a meeting in the ladies room. (For all of you who already have it in your head, go ahead, watch the video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=17eqacvFq9E). It's interesting how a group of strangers just 5 minutes prior become your best friends in the ladies room. I met a gal from Utah and we talked about the gorgeous weather and blue skies there. Another gal passed her flask around because "darn it, it's EXPENSIVE to drink out there", and another was getting over her ex and we were all cheering her on and letting her know she could do better than him. Roger waited for me to come out and here I exit with my new buddy from the Beehive State and he gives me the look of "What DO you all do in there?" Apparently boys don't bond in the boys room.

More music, more tequila, more beer, more dancing. I think there may have even been an amaretto sour in there somewhere too. Time flew by and my face is a little sore today from smiling so much last night. That's a sure sign of a good night.

Thankfully (are you tired of me saying this yet?), I live close to everything now and my place was just a few blocks away. It was after 1 a.m. and I had to figure out what was going to appease the after dancing munchies. Something yummy, something quick, something I actually had at the house. Aha, lazy tostadas it is then. (Think refried beans on an already made tostada shell and add salsa on top. A lazy tostada is born). Crunching on tostadas and watching George Lopez reruns on Nick at Nite was a nice cap for the evening.

Can anybody, though, explain why the empty can of refried beans was in my room this morning? 

Let me begin by saying that what I got to do last night was the first of its kind for me. Sure, I've been lucky enough to go see a large number of concerts in my day, and even more lucky when they came to the town I actually lived in. But last night, I was the luckiest of all; I WALKED to the show. That's right, I live .6 miles from the venue where the majority of artists I will want to see will be playing. I couldn't be happier and didn't even mind the frosty walk home.

Here's me before the show. Happy as can be in Death Cab gear:

Last night was a Death Cab for Cutie night. I love this band and although this was the third time I've seen them live, they put on a show that makes it seem like the first. For most shows I would be happy in a balcony seat, but for this one I was in the line early in hopes of being up close and front row. Well, naturally other people had the same idea and although I wasn't front row, I was damn close. Nice.

The opening band was The Cave Singers. Openers are usually a 50/50 crap shoot and this time was the glass half full 50. The singer had a Dylan-esque thing going on but not so much where I felt like he was trying too hard. They were a three piece but not your average variety because they left the bass at home. And throughout the show they brought out fun instruments for our entertainment including harmonica, washboard, maracas, and this cute little keyboard/horn number:

Death Cab's show wasn't what I thought it would be. It was MORE. I never tire of Ben Gibbard's lyrical genius. Hearing a Death Cab song is like going deep and I love that. They played all my favorites and I was wooed to no end by their newest song "I Will Possess Your Heart". See how close I ended up??

And my obsession within my obsession is Chris Walla. I have other pics of him from the show, and while this is blurry, it looks like I did this effect almost on purpose and I realy like it:

I left inspired and beaming. That's what music is all about and this band knows music. 

Eugene is super bike friendly and bikes are one of the more popular modes of transportation in this very environmentally conscious town.  Last summer I got on a bike for the first time in years and wasn't really entirely sure how I felt about it. But being here where nearly everyone is on a bike and the roads have separate bike lanes, welll, it just started to look FUN. Yesterday was the first day I took to riding around Eugene, especially near downtown close to my new digs. I woke up this morning wondering if my legs would be of the spaghetti nature after riding around for nearly an hour the night before. The legs were a-ok, it's my bum that needs some ice! That didn't hold me back from going on another hour long ride after work though. The weather and my bike, whose name is Lily, are both just too gorgeous for me to stay inside hiding from them. 

Here's me in my backyard with Lily:

And here's one of Lil so she can shine all on her very own:

The weather this weekend is supposed to be amazing. I'm sure we'll be hitting the road together. And coming soon (whenever I can budget it) she is going to get some cute fenders and a basket. Oh yes, she's a lady.  

That's why he gave me these tulips. Just because. *smitten smile* And while I don't have a lot in my new apartment, I found the perfect vase. This is a vintage Strawberry Shortcake pitcher that is also part of a set with the cutest juice glasses you've ever seen. It's one of the few things I have that my mom gave to me when I was a little girl. So this is a picture that just makes me smile.

My favorite band in the whole world is an indie band from Ohio called Over the Rhine. I've been listening to them a lot lately with all the changes that have been happening in my life. This one is me. This is where I am in this moment. Karin and Linford have definitely said it best:

"Lookin' Forward"
(Bergquist/Detweiler)

Walking out in the freezing rain
I feel nothing 'cause I numbed the pain
I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back
On this day

Prayed last night
Dear God please no
But I was never good at letting go
I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back
On this day

Good news can be so unkind
When it's everything you have to
leave behind
I'm lookin' forward to lookin' back
On this day

In the taillights
So much hindsight
Telling me what I already know
I know

I have the very bad habit of living somewhere and not taking advantage of all the area has to offer and, before I know it, I've moved elsewhere! I promised myself that would not happen during my time in Eugene so here I go!

The sun peeked out for awhile this afternoon and so it was time to use this cute little book I picked up the first week I moved into town:

I strapped on my walking shoes and headed out to the starting point of the Emerald Hill walk. Check out the cute little map that highlights the best sights to see. This one was chosen because it was a shorter one to help ease my body into movement after being cooped up all winter. We did, though, take the longer version!

This was built in 1925 and used to be a Eugene social hot spot. It's still quite gorgey:

Spring is here!

Finding some sights of our own. Cute little wooden doggy:

And we just loved the tire swing we found. Here's Roger giving it a whirl:

Next stop: the oldest cemetery in Eugene:

Learned about the founders of my new home. First, the city's namesake, Eugene Skinner:

And the first lady of Eugene:

I just loved looking at all the old headstones. The artist in me is wondering where I can get my hands on some chalk and paper here:

And without us even knowing, the cemetery mausoleum, Hope Abbey, was actually open for viewing. A cute little old woman named Violet let us know a bit about its history. The building itself was beautiful:

And near the end of the walk we passed by a small replica of Stonehedge:

Being out in the sun for a few hours was the perfect way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I had a smile on my face the entire time and love that I've begun seeing all the sights of my new city! 

I ventured on my first little road trip last weekend and headed to Portland to meet up with friends I hadn't seen in way too long. Friday night was snacks, drinks and fun convo with my friend, Karen who I hadn't seen in nearly 2 years since she left the big city of Kanab, Utah. It was nice to snuggle with her furkids that night.

After leaving Karen's, I made my way to Robin, Phil, and Cassie's digs. It had also been close to 2 years since I'd seen them and we had a lot of catching up to do! Food, chatting, chocolate, more food, more chatting and wine was how Saturday was spent. Not a bad day, eh?

Sunday began lazily. I slept in and it was great! Cassie was expecting her Sunday walk and so she patiently waited:

I'm trying to do Cassie a favor and hurry Robin up off the phone by snapping photos:

Okay, here we go! Ready for the cold!

Since it was raining, we hit some spots in town I wanted to visit. Cassie was a sport and waited patiently in the car as we headed into Portland's very own vegan grocery store, Food Fight!

Then next door to Herbivore where they had cute clothes, books, wallets and all things vegan!

I was in awe:

And Philip showed off his new, very vegan belt. Oh the good influence I was!

We finished off the vegan festivities at Sweet Pea where the all you can eat vegan breakfast buffet was just ending! But the sweet treats were plentiful:

So although I missed the buffet, I certainly didn't mind the chai tea, sesame bagel with chipotle cream cheese and the blueberry muffin (that was for sharing!):

Until next time... 

I’m in debt. Yep, I said it. I’m in debt. What does this make me? Normal.

Most people have picked up debt from one thing or another through the years. Some from years of education. Some from unexpected medical procedures. Some from that purple sweater that was on sale and was simply a “must have”. Whatever the reason, most of us are in it – deep. My debt is of the “I’m divorced and here’s my share of all we had” variety. Sadly, that’s what we had most of when it was all said and done.

So, I’m normal. I know this and I’m finally facing just how normal I am. I am also in a place in my life where I no longer want to be normal. I’m ready to be weird and that includes getting out of the financial pit I helped dig over the past several years. I know the exact moment and what the exact item was that I first charged that didn’t get paid in full at the end of the month. I remember that item, which was actually a sweatshirt I bought for my brother as a birthday present and is probably a long time gone at this point. (Does anyone wear Guess? clothes anymore anyway?) I was in college and bought into the myth that being in debt was just a way of life so I may as well just have what I want and have it now. And let me tell you, I wanted  a lot and I sure got it and didn’t think twice about it.

But I’m finally tired of making those monthly payments. I’m finally tired of those ridiculous finance charges. I’m finally ready to get weird and get out of debt. I’ve thought about getting out of this situation before but now, especially now that I’m on my own, I’m not just thinking, I’m doing. Those half-hearted Suze Orman drenched attempts are behind me and I’m finally making some headway. I’ve got a small shovel but things are changing in me and around me. I just know that shovel is going to get bigger.

I’m performing a Total Money Makeover (www.mytotalmoneymakeover.com) on myself. It’s not for the weak. It’s not for those who whine. It’s not for who I used to be. But here I am and I know where I want to be and that, my friends, is debt free.

Certainly you will hear more about his from me in the months to come because this will not be an easy endeavor. But I've recently learned that if you really want something bad enough, you work for it, and you work hard.

This was my best girlfriend ever:

And while I normally have a lot to say, I can't find any in this moment. She will be missed more than I can express in words. Charlotte, I love you.

Charlotte Mae Ross (March 1991 - March 2008) 

Yesterday was a busy day. Yesterday was an exhausting day. Damn, yesterday was just a GOOD day!

To start my morning, the day of days when I celebrate one year of being vegan, Roger gave me the best Veganniversary present possible:

They were perfect little chocolate cupcakes with chocolate cream cheese icing. Can you say Mmmmmmmmmm? Why would anyone eat anything else when they could have 100% vegan, 100% organic, and 100% DELISH?  Divine Cupcake just opened up here in Eugene and I'm certain I'll be ordering from them often. There were a dozen of them. Who would want roses when they could have chocolate??

This was the perfect food to give me energy for moving into my new place on a little piece of heaven just outside of town. (Pictures coming soon!)

After moving in, I had a yummy lunch of saucy shells and Tofurky Italian Sausage. So good! Then came a bit of thrifting about town. I love the thrift stores here; they aren't like the ones I'm used to where you have to dig and hunt for something nice because everything is nice! I am amazed at how professionally everything is laid out and looks like a department store. Why I'd ever shop retail again I don't know because thrifts have it all. I was on my way to Target to buy a new can opener but found a perfectly good one at the thrift for $1.50! I believe I've found another addiction. 

Since the day was mainly about food, as it should be really, Roger and I headed to Cosmic Pizza to meet our friend, Meg. We wait:

And now we wait for our foods. I was starving! Roger loves his root beer:

And Meg is happy to take a break from school work:

The foods arrived! Before us sat three yummy pizzas: tomato and spinach, tempeh and mushroom, and my favorite, mushroom and capers! I washed mine down with a yummy New Belgium wheat beer, Mothership Wit.

Ooooo and dinner music. Apparently it as George Harrison's birthday so they had a bunch of tribute bands. We were dining to the melodies of his spiritual years:

Stuffed and happy!