May 2008 - Posts
Oh three day weekend, how I love thee. I await your arrival and relish my time with you. This is what we did in our brief, but meaningful, tryst this past weekend.
I find it ironic that I am becoming such an outdoorsy gal when for that past 4 years I lived where hardcore outdoorsy people dream of visiting. Is that ironic? I used to try to explain irony to a good friend of mine and in the process seemed to have confused myself on what irony is. Is that ironic? Being the person who explained irony and no longer understands its definition? I digress...
At least I had begun to collect all the tools an outdoorsy gal in training would need to live it up with Mother Nature. I already had my bike, a 3 liter Camelbak, the most adorable pair of pink sunglasses you've ever seen (look out Oakleys), and a nifty pair of hiking shoes. Time to put them to good use I say!
Saturday was a lovely day with Lily, cruising downtown and finally being confident enough to ride her on the actual roads (gasp)! Yep, Wozzie is cruising her comfort bike all over town. I had a nice long visit with all the goodies at our local REI store. So many treasures in there. So many reasons for me to say "I want! I want! I want!". However, I managed to restrain myself and left with 2 catalogs and an application for membership to REI (I love co-ops) instead of a big receipt and bag of goodies. Soon, Woz, one day.
Sunday was, as you read in my previous blog, my own personal memorial day. It took a bit of coaxing to get my teary behind out of bed, but I made it out. Since arriving on the Eugene scene, people have been talking about the Spencer Butte hike and how it's the best in town. I did a quick internet search and read that it was a 1.5 mile hike. Easy, breezy I thought, let's hit the road. So, I strapped on my Montrails and away we went! Here was the beginning of the trail:
Here I am, feeling very much like Little Red Riding Hood going off into the forest to see her grams:
In the thick of the woods now:
Lots of lush, green, fallen trees. Man am I glad I wasn't in the way when this one fell!
Seriously, this is the longest 3/4 mile of my life. Are we there yet? Nearly an hour later, some sky seemed to peek through the trees.
Did I Google the wrong hike or what? We'd certainly been on the trail for several miles. Several STEEP miles. Several steep MUDDY miles. My heart was a pumping and I had no idea that I'd actually find this sort of activity fun, but wow did I! Good thing we brought the water! Huff, huff, gasp, huff.
The trail started to get a bit narly (and more steep!):
Determined to make it to the top now, we trekked on. And were warned of those that called the forest their home:
Not to be deterred, more huffing, puffing, and gasping commenced but we were told the summit would be worth it. I could feel the burn. I was certainly going to be sore in the morning. We knew we were getting towards the top when the trail seemed to be non-existant and we were climbing more than anything. Is this the hike part? Remember, I'm still new to all this. Outdoorsy gal in training!
But we did make it to the summit and WOW! It was totally worth all the sweating, loss of breath, and fear of snake attacks from the sky to see this:
Photos do not do this view justice. It was simply breathtaking! The top was cool and so I kicked up my heels and rested for a bit. This was my reward for all that work over the past 2 hours.
The hike down was just over an hour and worked totally different muscles. Oh that burn, I just knew it was coming! And come to find out the should have been easy breezy hike I had embarked on had actually been a 10 mile round trip journey! I'm actually really glad I didn't know that before going because I would have talked myself out of an amazing afternoon.
By 9 PM I was laid out in bed and was in dreamland not far after that.
Ah, sweet Monday morning (how often do I call Monday that?) and the yummy vegan biscuits and gravy that filled my tummy:
The rest of the day was a lot of napping. Dewey was a fine example:
In between naps there were many episodes of my guilty pleasure of "Dawson's Creek":
Truth be told, there is a lot going on in this show that is parellel with my own life. So either I'm stuck in a high school drama, or this show surpasses age boundaries. Either way, I don't care. Joshua Jackson is my other guilty pleasure.
More naps says Baby Kitty:
And more "Dawson's Creek" that India left her plum nap spot to come nap on my lap as I watched:
Until next time, my beloved three day weekend, until next time.
I've been living in Eugene for just over three months now and, until yesterday, I still hadn't switched over my old plates with the new Oregon tags that had been laying on the floor in the back seat of the Kitty Cruiser for nearly 2 months. I think that subconsciously I left the old ones on in case I decided not to stay and to instead return (run?) to the place that had been my home for the past 4 years. I wasn't ready to let go just yet. But then came this holiday weekend; a weekend that was significant enough for me to know that it was, indeed, finally time for me to let go.
And so I did:
The Kitty Cruiser officially sports the Oregon label. I smiled when I noticed that "4 Ds" was at the center of this tag. Four Directions came with me, loud and clear.
On this day I say goodbye to wondering if I'll return to land of the bluest skies I've ever seen and paths of sand made for hound dog walking. Make no mistake about it, I love that place and will visit many times again in my lifetime. That place is magical.
Today is officially my Memorial Day and it always will be. More memories are held in this day than I can ever express and it will always have a special, warm and secure place in my heart. This is my soundtrack for the day. On more levels than one, it fits. For what was, what wasn't, and what is bound to become.
(Bergquist/Detweiler)
I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear
Pour me a glass of wine
Talk deep into the night
Who knows what we'll find
Intuition, deja vu
The Holy Ghost haunting you
Whatever you got
I don't mind
Put your elbows on the table
I'll listen long as I am able
There's nowhere I'd rather be
Secret fears, the supernatural
Thank God for this new laughter
Thank God the joke's on me
We've seen the landfill rainbow
We've seen the junkyard of love
Baby it's no place for you and me
I was born to laugh
I learned to laugh through my tears
I was born to love
I'm gonna learn to love without fear
This song was hella popular when I went solo to Kanab to do my two week evaluation with Best Friends Animal Society. I heard it nearly every morning in my rental car as I left Amber's house and headed up to the sanctuary. I believed it was where I was supposed to be. That I was meant to live for so much more than I had been living at the time.
And here I am now, just over 4 years later, and this song still haunts me. Mainly the line of "have we lost ourselves?" because I wonder that about myself sometimes. I'm finding myself slowly and, undoubtedly, I was meant to live for so much more.
"Meant to Live"
by Switchfoot
Fumbling his confidence
And wondering why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he's bid for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Dreaming about Providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we've been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we're bent and broken, broken
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than this world's got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life, yeah
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live
In recent years, and even moreso in the last year, I had a tendency to not want to leave my house to go off on new adventures. It was an extreme form of laziness that I would justify with the sentiment that "it's involved." I would turn down opportunities to go on hikes, to parties, to game nights, to neighboring towns to explore, or even the movies because of the fact it was "too involved." Well, turns out all these so-called "involved" activities were ones that I missed out on and won't ever have the chance to get back. Now I've started getting out more in celebration of my new life and the "new me" and have realized something amazing. Actually, it's not that involved at all! Most of the things that I've been going out to do have been very cheap or free and don't really require more than me having a sense of adventure. It's a shame that I'm just learning this as there many missed opportunities, but my journey now is making sure I keep those to a minimum.
Yesterday I felt a bit of the "it's too involved" monsters coming for me when Roger asked if I wanted to go to the Willamette Music Festival. At first I said "Nah, I wanna stay home and just read" which meant that I was actually contemplating a nap. I'm not sure what changed in that moment to make me think otherwise (maybe the gorgeous sun shining in my living room windows) but I decided to give it a go. We packed up a blanket, my hat (the sun is my enemy but that's another blog), my camera, and drove through Alton Baker Park to Cuthbert Ampitheatre where the festival (http://musicfest.uoregon.edu/) was taking place. The 2 mile drive proved to be well worth it.
Here were people checking out the food booths and organizations as we entered the festival:
Talk about lots of good eats! I love how ethnic foods appear at events here:
Even with selection like that, I went with traditional festival food! Here's my curly fries and frozen lemonade:
The sun was out and it was HOT. A lot of people chose to lounge on the lawn instead of braving the uncovered amitheatre:
I, too, found a lovely spot in the shade:
This was a great spot for dancing. I actually coaxed Roger up to dance to The Jacksons Five's "I Want You Back".
The musicians strutted their talent despite the heat, and the crowd had a great time despite the $5 charge for beer. It's a festival! Cheers! People were dancing, picnicking, juggling, laughing and enjoying the day. People watching was great, and this is by far the youngest concert goer I've ever encountered. Look at her clapping:
The sun began to lower in the sky and that was our cue to leave because an evening bike ride was in store and so were homemade margaritas. I'm finding that even if things are even a little involved, they are definitely worth it.
"Remember why you are here and why you're alive. Experience the warmth before you grow old." -- Incubus
The unusual Oregon springtime can be cool in the morning, gorgeous midday, balmy in the late afternoon, and then back to cool as the sun sets. And to think I thought the weather in the desert was odd.
With these changes I find myself snuggling in blankets or putting on an extra layer of clothing as I settle in for the night. What I noticed this week is that when I do this, the warmth that engulfs me is not merely a piece of fabric but rather memories and love. Let me explain.
When I moved to Oregon, I left with only the things that I could put in my car. I had to make a lot of decisions about what was going to make it into the precious cargo space that was taking me several states further West. I left my queen sized bed behind and the fancy form fitting mattress top but it was never an option to leave behind the large tan and maroon blanket that my Grandma Canales had given me so many years ago. Not only is it the SOFTEST and warmest blanket I've ever owned but it has a rose design on it and is always reminds me of my Grams' daughter, my mom, whose middle name was Rosa. That blanket rests on my bed and keeps me toasty every night. It now has another small afghan on top of it that was recently gifted to me by my Aunt Deedle. The gift of warmth is one of love.
Another must take in my move was another childhood blanket given to me by Great-Grandma Melchor. She put love in the pink quilt she made for me when I was just a little one running around in pig tails and I still smile at the embroidered kittens that grace the front of it. It now has a special place on my TV chair and keeps me warm as I watch my favorite prime time and movies. It was recently joined by a small blanket that now rests on the back of that same chair; a blanket that belonged to the best girlfriend I ever had -- Charlotte, Her Royal Houndess. That blanket arrived this week with my kitties and was the first thing I saw as they were unloaded from the plan. There Charlotte was, watching over them the entire trip.
The warmth also lives within a blue zip-up hoodie that reads "#1 Grandpa" on the back and "Chon" on the front. This was a sweatshirt that I had given to my Gramps Delgado when I was a little girl. After he passed away in 1998, I kept it and through the years I wear it when I'm missing my family and want to feel like he is giving me the bigs hugs that he was so good at giving out. Then there is a grey university of Wisconsin sweatshirt that belonged to Charlotte's first mom, and my Kanab "mom", Amber. After she passed away in 2004, I kept it just as I did with Gramps'. That sweatshirt reminds me of her smile, her laughter, and hot Dr. Pepper with Lemon, just like my own mom used to make.
I take a lot of things for granted in my life that I shouldn't, but my family -- the warmth -- is something I never will. These are the people that make me remember why I came and why I'm alive.
Mother's Day is hard for me for a number of reasons and has been ever since I can remember. This year is no exception. This year, I don't have my kids with me but, on the VERY bright side, I will TOMORROW!
I got all misty-eyed because the kids got some help again this year to make sure I knew they were thinking of me this day of days. Yesterday the mail arrived and in it was this:
All the way from Arizona, they made sure to let me know they loved me. Inside was a number of really adorable things, including a postcard with kitties on it with a note written by India letting me know that all her brothers and sisters (Charlotte included) made sure to pitch in to get me a giftie. In just a little while I'll be heading to Smiths to use this:
But what made me the most misty-eyed (and I was already because of the sweet postcard!) was this bookmark that was written in memory of my sweet hound dog:
I love my kids. I love that I am loved on this day. I have the most thoughtful people in my life.
So I've noticed that Wozzievision is starting to show some reruns and I've decided to nip that in the bud ASAP. Old patterns, old habits, the ones that didn't suit me very well, are beginning to make their way into my life once again (sneaky little things!). Over the last two weeks I've been giving these old patterns way too much face time and that is going to come to a close and is something I'm going to have to make a very consious effort to release. I'm staring these old ways of thinking and behaving straight in the eyes for the first time in my life. These old ways didn't serve me well before and they certainly are not helping me move forward. It's scary to face this; to uncover and understand things about myself that aren't particularly pretty. But in facing these issues, this inner mess, I am beginning to feel stronger than I have felt in years. I used to have a strength that could move anything. Nothing used to stand in my way. Something happened to that strength and I thought it was gone but now I see that it's not gone, it's just buried somewhere very deep and I'm slowly digging my way to it. It's there, I can feel it wanting to surface. It's buried by layers of apathy, acting the victim, manipulation, dishonesty and fear. That's a great deal of residue to plow through! And here I am understanding that in order to move forward, I have to. I am not weak and never have been, I've just been buried and I'm the one who has had the shovel in my hand this entire time throwing more dirt on myself.
Now, I do realize the occasional rerun is still going to creep in rotation now and again, but that is just part of me growing.
Now back to the new, but regularly scheduled, Wozzievision.
Another gorgeous Saturday took me on another stroll from my "Eugene Walks" book. Here's a picture of my walking buddies for the afternoon. The new furry one, that's Ladybug; she lives upstairs from me. She and Roger were ready to roll:
We began up the street at Monroe park. The starting point was officially with this big iron man. And it was also a day for people to be out worshipping the sun as well.
Eugene is known for being green and a good amount of people are committed to sustainability. I admire the ideal and the people who pitch in and pool their resources. Here's one highlighted on our walk:
I love houses in Eugene. All the colors make me smile and daydream about what my house will look like one day. Most definitely it will have a lot of color just like this:
And right next door was Volunteer Heights where we saw some fun art and where Ladybug decided to take a breather. Good thing we brought water along!
Right around the corner was where we saw one of my favorite parts of town so far. Nestled in a quiet neighborhood rests this fantasy of a bed and breakfast. I've been thinking of the next business I'd like to open in the future and something like this would fit the bill. It would be pet friendly, dreamy like this, and serve the best vegan food for miles. Doesn't it look magical?
Next we headed downtown where we met this mama raccoon and her baby:
And in front of the library I decided to get cozy with the town's namesake, Eugene Skinner. No one stared as I did this. Okay, a lot of people did actually but I really didn't care, I was having too much fun.
The best part of the trip was the end. The reason it is called the Sweet LIfe Loop. We made it to one of THE BEST places in town:
It's dangerous to make stuff this good. Whoever says being vegan is living in deprevation has never tried the strawberry cheesecake or the strawberry banana compote. It's a really good thing we walked several miles because I didn't feel so bad devouring all this. Who am I kidding, I wouldn't have felt bad anyway; yes, it's that good.
And so ended our journey for the afternoon. Sweet life indeed.